Where to begin when you can't find the bottom

in #blog4 years ago

Holy fuck!

My life feels twisted around in so many different ways and I don't know what to do.
Just over a year ago I was married, living in a big house that was almost paid for.
Working for a company I believed in enjoying my day to day tasks.
My fitness level was at its peak.
I had a surf boat, a nice car, all the material things I could want but I was not happy.

I didn't love my husband in a way that I wanted to have sex with him.
The owner of my company put me into a situation I did not want to be in.
I found out my boss was being a bully and all the belief I had in my company faded so fast.
I put my fitness on the side burner and did not keep it a focus.
I have no access to the house or the boat because I left my life.

I had 4 months of carefree travel where I was healthy and smiled every day and the past 10 months have been purgatory.

polarbear.jpg

I am living back in a county I don't really want to live in.
Not actually working at my job, not sure if I can go back or not.
Not with my husband not in our house of 10 years
Involved with someone who said their life goals aligned with mine but I know find out they seem quite different.
Out of shape and feeling unhealthy in body and mind.

I don't know what to do, I feel like everything in my life needs to be fixed but how do I fix it all at once and how the fuck did I get myself into this position.

My life is like a ball of yarn and I dropped it and its rolling down a flight of stairs and into a dark basement with no windows.

There is no stability, no strength and no energy to turn this all around. I don't even know where to start. I feel like giving up.

Like I could just lay here and disappear into nowhere.

I want to be a better person, I want to do better at life, I want to be successful but my expectations are too high. I feel like I will only be happy if I can find a way to lower them and live a life I don't understand.

Sources
Photo 1 http://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/earshot/climate-of-emotion:-despair/7880378

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Hmm sounds like you are going thru a tough time right now, why don't you write out the things you want to change and choose the most important one first.
Once you pick what you want to work on you can create small goals to make that one thing happen. I bet once you accomplish one goal it will get you on task for accomplishing more. You will become more confident and you will be able to move forward in your life.
Maybe everything needed to change? Maybe you should consider this a fresh start.

Okay one step at a time, choose one thing. Maybe I should draw them out of a hat to see what goes first. I guess my health is most important if I don't have that I have nothing.

Take a deep breath and acknowledge that this current situation and pattern does not define you. Things can change. Will them to, and don't be hard on yourself. Many blessings

Aww thanks girl. I do need a deep breath. Nothing stays the same I just need to focus on changing one thing at a time i guess. Seems like a lot 🙄

Hey, I've had my share of roller coaster rides. You can do this <3

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