Where to begin when you can't find the bottom
My life feels twisted around in so many different ways and I don't know what to do.
Just over a year ago I was married, living in a big house that was almost paid for.
Working for a company I believed in enjoying my day to day tasks.
My fitness level was at its peak.
I had a surf boat, a nice car, all the material things I could want but I was not happy.
I didn't love my husband in a way that I wanted to have sex with him.
The owner of my company put me into a situation I did not want to be in.
I found out my boss was being a bully and all the belief I had in my company faded so fast.
I put my fitness on the side burner and did not keep it a focus.
I have no access to the house or the boat because I left my life.
I had 4 months of carefree travel where I was healthy and smiled every day and the past 10 months have been purgatory.
I am living back in a county I don't really want to live in.
Not actually working at my job, not sure if I can go back or not.
Not with my husband not in our house of 10 years
Involved with someone who said their life goals aligned with mine but I know find out they seem quite different.
Out of shape and feeling unhealthy in body and mind.
I don't know what to do, I feel like everything in my life needs to be fixed but how do I fix it all at once and how the fuck did I get myself into this position.
My life is like a ball of yarn and I dropped it and its rolling down a flight of stairs and into a dark basement with no windows.
There is no stability, no strength and no energy to turn this all around. I don't even know where to start. I feel like giving up.
Like I could just lay here and disappear into nowhere.
I want to be a better person, I want to do better at life, I want to be successful but my expectations are too high. I feel like I will only be happy if I can find a way to lower them and live a life I don't understand.