That's it, I'm leaving

in #bloglast year

This is not a post about moving over to Hive, which I will be doing.

I am leaving the place where I live. I was generously received here but despite the good things I feel utterly trapped.

My darkness, hatred and resentment are growing in power. I feel a bit suicidal as well.

I have no money as I have been reinvesting most of what I make on Steem back into the platform and with all these changes it’s very uncertain what will happen.

So I go back into the streets, returning to survival as my philosophy for life.

It should be interesting to roam the urban landscapes while everyone locks themselves in fear of corona.

I guess I wasn’t born to be a peaceful hobbit living in The Shire. My life needs some adventure and I guess that makes me part of the problem.

Fine then, I am the enemy of harmony. I am chaos and disruption turned into human flesh.

My notebook is coming along but I don’t know how often I will be able to post since I will have no mobile internet and no means of charging.

I advise all who have followed my curation trail to abandon it. Sorry I lacked the consistency to see any of this come to fruition. I will leave auto-voting again to the people and communities I was supporting before this idea.

No clue to where I’m headed. I just know that seeing the same landscape every day, the same people and being in the eternal absence of enough money to give myself at least one day of pleasure is killing me.

Not playing the victim, I know I brought this on myself.

At least if I walk and go hobo I won’t feel like I’m taking advantage of anyone. Here in the house I haven’t even been able to pull my weight around financially and I guess that depresses me too.

No idea what will happen to me since a state of catastrophe has been declared here in Chile. Probably the military will be on the streets and have some exceptional authority.

Guess I will have to be cautious, keep a low profile if possible.

Wish everyone success and a smooth transition to the new blockchain.

Participants of the curation trail tagged so you can be informed and remove your support, thank you very much:

@binkyprod @vientolibre @bradleyarrow @renataboreal @nutritree @cabalen @allyson19 @angelanichole @cjsean @dorniz @glstech @hubyr @soydiegorojas @dinglehopper @hedidylan @jingyu @theithei @kymil @lizquen @rappler @gertu @nikolina @daniel2001

Also big thanks for the delegation @trucklife-family , feel free to remove it.

Will update as soon as possible, hopefully in a better mood.


I hope to get you more support through my support. If you provide other non financial needs to a group then do not feel bad for their contribution. People may place more emphasis on money but not things money cant buy.

That's actually very wise, but then remains the problem of the need for adventure. I wish I was wise and heeded your advice but there's this big pain inside. I need to go out, and as Jordan Peterson said: "slay the dragon". Now that the military will be out on the streets it's the perfect chance to look at death in the eye and say: "I'm here, come and get me".

Also thanks for the support!

Glad to give it. The adventure problem is a big one. I am not sure I can help you find. In my life I discover that need to building, repairing, and educating myself in every area that I do not understand. The spiritual journey grabbed ahold of me in the mid 30s. Fill that void and fish for men. By reading the spirit and knowing interpersonal communications through body language you will be able to persuade without words.

By reading the spirit and knowing interpersonal communications through body language you will be able to persuade without words.

That's beautiful, I'll carry that one wherever I might go. Thank you.

Paul said to test the spirits. People dont know that they can not not communicate.

I just wanted to drop another tidbit. As the world switches to cash you will find yourself much more wealthy than you anticipated. Keep your head up the collapse is here and will peak in the near future.

Thanks @nutritree, I've reflected on your words. In the end I've decided not to take off, as impulsive actions born from desperation rarely have positive results. I've managed to calm down the anxiety and getting back on track with the inner work necessary to not despair in these times. You're right I am incredibly wealthy and right now I am grateful for Life for making me see it once again. Big hug man and thanks!

Glad you are keeping the low profile and continueing to build. Keep building and prepping. The darkest hour is before the dawn. Lockdowns are starting in the states.

Good luck man!

Thanks brother.

I have been really enjoying reading your posts and it sucks to hear that you feel that way. I hope you will find what you're looking for and stay safe along the way. To be honest, I wasn't expecting to hear anything like this from you but I guess we all have our own struggles and hardships.

I saw that you mentioned me in this post but haven't seen the post itself on my feed, thought it was weird then it turned out that somehow I wasn't following you. :O I went through my following list recently and probably messed up a little bit in the process of unfollowing some people. :)

Wishing you the best of luck, I still hope that you will share some posts every now and then. ❤️

Thank you very much for your good wishes :) In the end I was able to pull myself together and manage the impatience that was killing me. You're right, we all hace our struggles and hardships, I try to stay positive but once a month I have my sensitive day where everything crumbles.

The thing is that lockdown was declared in my country and my mind was like: "oh fuck, now I'm definitely trapped here for who knows how long, I need to get out, I need to get out or I'll never leave this farm".

Today I spent pretty much all day lying on the floor looking at the ceiling and trying to get a grip, until I finally got it, lol. Took it's precious time.

Thanks again, I'll try to keep up the posting but at the same time I feel I need to spend more time away from Steem, I'm not doing things in a healthy balanced way. Hope you're faring well in this enormous social chaos the world is living!

Taking some time away from the Internet is always a good idea especially when one is not feeling their best.
I understand that many people feel the same way, like they are locked down, it takes away a lot of our freedom but I actually think being on the farm, countryside is the best option in this situation. Imagine being in the city apartment, where you only have a balcony maybe to "get out". :D

Anyways, glad to hear you're feeling better, maybe that initial anxiety is going away, keep doing what makes you feel better, even if that means taking an online break. :)

Yeah, taking it easy now. Just enjoying, trying to be useful and letting go of control!