WRONG MARRIAGES, WRONG PERSONS & WRONG MOTIVES :
Why many married people are daily regretting and cursing their marriages.
If you are single, know the reasons why people marry wrong persons and end their marriages in bitter separations or live to endure it.
1. YOU FOCUS MORE ON CHEMISTRY THAN ON CHARACTER
Never marry someone because you’re in love. Falling in love is a state of temporary psychosis. It is the “delusion of fusion.”
Chemistry means there is physical and sexual attraction.
Identify the specific character traits you must have in your spouse and know clearly how to asses for each one.
Background checks are essential, Be especially careful to check out the family.
People from warm and loving homes will most likely be emotionally healthy people.
Compatibility: Looking for sameness, same backgrounds, culture, language, interests,politics etc.
Temperament is also an important must know.
Question: Are you just sexually attracted to you spouses or there is more to it??
2. YOU EXPECT HIM OR HER TO CHANGE AFTER YOU'RE MARRIED
Never marry potential. This implies bad potential.
The question you must ask is, “Can I live with this person the way he is now and be happy with him?”
He’s a chronic smoker and drunkard and says he’ll change for you.
He is well known for womanizing and flirting in fact that was how you both meet now there is a promise he will change and you think that will us happen after marriage??
She is in the business of leaving one guy for the another with reasons best known to her and you think the things that have been pushing her wont tempt her this time she is with you???
All this are examples of bad potential. Am not saying people can't change but the question is.....
If he doesn't change can you live with him??
3. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE FUNDAMENTAL NEEDS OF MEN AND WOMEN
Never marry someone whose demands are greater than you can supply
This is all about making sure the male-female energies are in sync. Men and women each have one core emotional need. Men want to be respected, which means the woman needs to have plenty of obedience, no nagging and loyal.
Women want to be cherished, which means they want to be protected, provided for, and cared for.
The ultimate prerequisite for a man to get married is that he is ready to take responsibility. He has to be ready to be a “man.”
*Question: Can you dutifully take your place in that home??
4. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT AND WHERE YOU'RE GOING
The more clearly and narrowly we define ourselves, the better our chance of finding the right person.
This means knowing what you stand for in life: Your values, priorities, and goals.
Two people who have the same life goal have a much greater chance of growing together and staying together in a deeply bonded way. A soul mate is a goal mate. To perfectly act on this principles plenty of "WH" questions are need to be answered. For example
What are we going to build together?
What are this person’s life commitments?
What does this person stand for?
What is he passionate about?
Why should i be in same home with this person?
When do i want my life goals accomplished?
Where do I want this goals accomplished?
With questions like this rightfully asked and answered, we should be few steps closer to getting married to the best person.
Ideally you should not be considering marriage until you've answered life’s most important question:
What am I living for?
5. YOU GET INVOLVED SEXUALLY TOO QUICKLY
Never get too intimate with someone your not sure of yet.
Becoming intimate too soon can be self-defeating because it creates confusion.
• It may create a false sense of commitment and depth.
• It may block you from processing your feelings which is soul-tie.
• It may lead to overlooking problems that should not be overlooked.
*Question: Am i ready to be with this person??
6. YOU CHOOSE SOMEONE WHO IS ABUSIVE
Never tie the knot with a person you can't fully and freely express your self too.
The definition of an abusive relationship is one in which you are afraid to express your feelings and opinions.
• You don’t feel emotionally safe.
• You have to monitor what you say.
• You walk on egg shells around this person.
• You don’t feel relaxed and don’t feel you can be yourself.
• The person is demanding, controlling, or communicates with anger and criticism.
*Question: Can I always be ME when am around this person??
7. YOU DO NOT HAVE A CONSISTENTLY POSITIVE EMOTIONAL CONNECTION WITH EACH OTHER
Never dismiss anything that bothers you! Process everything that bothers you.
A positive emotional connection does not mean you are in love.
Five tools to evaluate if you have a positive emotional connection:
- Do I respect and admire this person?
- Do I trust this person in every way and feel I can rely on his or her judgment?
- Do I feel totally safe with this person (like I feel with my best friend)?
- Do I truly care about this person and have a desire to give to him or her?
- Are we open and honest with each other about our feelings and opinions?
Your greatest tool for measuring the quality of the relationship is your feelings.
*Question: Can i freely say all of my mind to this person??
8. YOU DON'T COMMUNICATE WELL
You must be able to repair breakdowns 100%, which means there is no resentment or bad feelings left over.
This is very important: You must be sure before you get married that the two of you communicate well.
Good communication means:
- We can talk openly and honestly about our feelings
- We listen to each other and make it safe for each other to express ourselves.
- There is no defensiveness
- We trust that together we can resolve problems
- We have confidence in ourselves that we can repair our breakdowns
- We work well together; we’re a good team
*Question: What is the level of our communication especially after a fight??
** Overall Principle:**
NEVER go into marriage not mentally prepared.
One of the biggest mistakes people make is to believe that marriage will heal or fix their deep inner pain.
In many cases, marriage will only make the pain greater and more unbearable!
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