You’ve got mail ✉️ ...from soju
This is soju, the cat. Not supersoju, the crazy woman. I’m the real soju, the interesting one, and not my mum. She’s totally uncool. All she does is look at weird stuff under the microscope. I agree with you, it’s so gross that she pulls wings off flies, stares at hairy spider legs, and is fixated with necrosis of unidentified insects. I think she’s running out of ideas too. I couldn’t believe that she’s been eyeing my litter box. I have to chase her off every time she approaches.
I tell dad that I think mum is weird, he must agree, because he gives me a snack every time. Dad is cool.
Anyway, mum doesn’t listen to me either! I asked her for a little brother and what did she get me?
A robot vacuum! 🙀
Crazy right? Who does that?
At first, I thought maybe she thought that the programmable disc really was a cat replacement, that she’d been watching Stepford Wives and getting ideas. You know, the sequel where they were replacing the children with drones. I don’t want to be taken away and ‘improved’ so I behave! But she gets this odd glint in her eyes and whistles when she programs the thing. She enjoys torturing me with this robot vacuum, having it chase me around and stressing me out.
Mum is sadistic, which is no surprise.
And when I needed a haircut, she gave me a dodgey home job with the clippers! I couldn’t go out in public for weeks! As if it couldn’t get any worse, she then posted my picture on social media! 🙀😾 That’s the real reason I’m addicted to weed, I needed to self-medicate to deal with living with her. She blames me for everything and she’s so unreasonable! This is what I have to listen to everyday!
Why is the laundry basket filled with laundry, Soju?!
Why did you not make the bed, Soju?!
When will you start paying rent to me, Soju?!
Why is the Steem blockchain frozen?! It was you wasn’t it, Soju?!
Unbelievable and I’m sick of it! 😾
She makes me check the crypto exchanges all day but then ignores my advice on when to buy and sell. We could have been gazillionaires by now had she paid attention to what I was pointing at. She ignores my financial advice as if it was no better than that coming from a waving fortune cat, and writes blogs about how funny I am instead! 😿😾
Ever since I adopted her, she thinks I’m just a cat, you and I both know that’s far from the truth. Anyway, I just needed to vent. I can hear mum coming, so I better log off my secret account.
The Real Soju