What A Load Of Crap! - Comedy Open Mic Round 19

Yep, you read that right. It was just one of those weeks at work.

I was doing a lot of brush cutting and danger tree removals in the worst heat of the year, so I was already a little miffed when I was told I needed to take some loads of gravel out and tighten up some muddy turnarounds.

That equals a day of air conditioning!

I fired up the truck and got my wheels on the road. I grabbed my first load of crush and got working. When I got to the turnaround, there was a power line running right through the middle of it, and anyone who knows anything about dump trucks knows that it's hard to spread around power lines.

No problem though. I'll just do a couple of spreads along the line and then use my underbody blade to spread it around. A piece of cake, right?

Well, it was until my steer tires dropped and I tried to back up in the three inches of fresh gravel. I tried moving ahead and rocking it, but it was just digging a hole. Then my air alarm went off. I got out and saw that the airline to my diff locks had broken and was draining my tanks.


I disengaged the diffs and the leak stopped. I then put my tire chains on, but it still wouldn't budge. Eff.

By now my underbody blade was hung up underneath so I grabbed my shovel and started digging myself out. It was about 30°C(86°F) and humid. I finally conceded defeat when I heard what was most likely a bear or wolf in the bushes and I was just too hot and tired to shovel any more.

There was no cell service, and although I could hear the other guys on the radio, they couldn't hear me. I was going to have to walk to the farm up the hill.

When I walked in the driveway, covered in sweat and dirt, carrying a shovel, and panting like a bulldog, I saw a lady on the deck. I called out from a little ways away, because I would probably have shot me if I saw myself in that scene. She seemed a bit hesitant until I explained the predicament. She said she would drive back and get her husband in the tractor to come and pull me out. I wheezed out a grateful grunt and started back to the truck to probably get eaten by a bear.

While I was waiting, I thought I should get the gravel spread around away from my blade and then I heard the bear again. It was on the other side of the truck and I could see where the grass was moving from a safe place. I watched with my hand hovering over the door handle while the bear got closer.

I freaked out and got in the truck. I've seen bears run too many times to underestimate their sheer attack speed. I watched out the passenger window and out popped the bearmarmot.

It was right then that the farmer showed up and gave me a tug out. While we were chewing our cuds against the tractor tire after I asked if he ever sold any of his manure that had been piled up there for a couple of years.

He said that he didn't, but if I wanted to come back the next day he would load me up for free. Luckily it was my day off and I grabbed Gerri and we went for a nice drive.

We scored big time!

This stuff was several years old and beautiful.
We got very lucky and to honour @canadianrenegade I thought we should make a GIF of excitement.

For this round, we want to nominate @papa-pepper again, and @alaskahippie. You can find out more about the contest at https://steemit.com/comedyopenmic/@comedyopenmic/comedy-open-mic-comedy-contest-round-19 and they have a witness @comedyopenmic you can vote for too.

Now if you'll excuse us, we have to throw some of this in the hole that our new honeycrisp tree is going in.

Thanks for reading, and feel free to make an entry, even if we didn't nominate you.


Your honeycrisp tree is gonna love that load of crap.

Oh, I think so too. Next year we should have fruit on that sucker.

Another shit post...

Haha, I see what you did there.


As soon as I began planting things, I began to love old shit too. Nice score.

Yeah, pretty decent I'd say. We gave him a gift card for a local steakhouse so he would remember us next year.

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