Corona Virus Toilet Roll Future
The year was 2025. The poopy bums lived below us in what remained of the old world. Those of us who were wise enough to mass buy toilet rolls lived as the new gods of the world. They laughed at us, but when the fiat and crypto markets both collapsed, all that was left was toilet roll. No one but us wise ones had anticipated the collapse of the toilet roll supply chain, making toilet roll both scarce, and the new gold/currency.
In the new world a good salary would get you five double pleated tissues a month, almost enough to feed a whole family. An entire house above ground would cost a whole bog roll.
The poopy bums lived beneath us, and did the most menial of work, always searching for that bit of tissue. When riots occurred we would merely set fire to an entire bog roll, and throw it at them to break up the riot. They would fight over the flaming tissues, and our dominance and wealth would be shown, forcing them to go back to their poopy stations.
As I sat on my toilet throne, admiring my endless collection of toilet rolls I wondered back to how we had come so far as a society. Everything was perfect and sustainable, as long as the poopy bums stayed out of sight.