My rather unique grieving process- indoor skydiving.

in #death4 years ago (edited)

I've shared that my Uncle died just a few days ago. It was a mix of hard living and poor dietary choices that led to several strokes, and ultimately a heart attack. He was in his late 70s or early 80s. I should know, but I don't keep those dates in my head all that well. He lived the life he wanted to live for the time period he wanted to live it and then had a relatively short and sharp drop decline to the end of his life.

I'm a little sheepish about this tradition I've set. It's filled with privilege for one because it's expensive, but it also strikes me as being weird. Really... I mean, who fucking goes sky diving to take an emotional load off. Anyway, it strikes me as weird... that said I want to share it anyway. So, I'm hard on myself for this anyway, but also feeling a touch defensive about it.

My aunt

I heard about my uncle's passing. I think I was in shock for a few days. I spoke to him a few days before he died. He started hospice and I knew this was coming (even though I thought it woudl be months away) so I don't feel like a terrible nephew, but it's hard to see that side of my family die especially after my mom's death. I didn't communicate as frequently as I should have cause it triggers me and makes me relive her dying of cancer.

Anyway, I called my aunt and didn't reach her, and she called me back right before my lesson / flight time. It's like the universe was precisely facilitating my ritual. She kinda walked me through how he died and for the first time since I heard he died I could get some tears out.

Flying

I then went in and did five 2 minute sessions. 2 minutes sounds short, but the closest thing I can think of is when i wrestled in high school and the periods were 2 exhausting minutes. I'm like 240 pounds. It takes some physical work even with the wind doing most of the work to hold me up. So, it's a little bit mentally challenging to balance and feel ones body and navigate the wind. It was emotionally relieving. I like feeling like I'm floating and I like breathing the wind shooting into my lungs at 100+ mph. The phrase take a breath of fresh air is amplified at those speeds!

Defenses down

When the whole thing was over and I was in my car I finally could let some go. When I was in graduate school I had the hardest time of my life. I was literally working around 100 hours a week. I would take every other Sunday afternoon off and otherwise I was working from around 9am in the morning to 11pm at night. I did that for 8 months so I could graduate and get to the job that was waiting for me. I worked at that clip and it was literally killing me. I would get in there and dealt with a million stresses. My wife would tell me to get her the fuck out of Texas, work would tell me to hurry up as the job wouldn't be there forever, and my boss would tell me I'd never make it on time. The stress was gruesome. I used to leave my fume hood (I'm a chemist), walk into the adjacent lab that was vacant, cry for a good 5-10 minutes, and then go back at it. I didn't have enough time to waste more than that. Toss in a friend's suicide and coping through heavy drinking and I was in a bad way.

Processing

Anyway, the point of that is that because of time constraints it changed the way I cry to intense 5-10 minute bouts and then life goes on. I was in my truck right after flying and the wave hit. My uncle lived near Austin. So, when I went to grad school down in Texas he lent me a car, let me stay at his house, my wife and I would visit. He was a fan a supporter. I don't want to share too much because I want to write an obit for him, but this week has been a real struggle for me. I'm down to just 2 people living in the generation above mine, and while I wasn't super close to my Uncle I certainly felt loved and grateful for the time I spent with him. He could be a little stoic and hard to know. That's my mother's side of the family for sure, but even through stoic I felt a lot of love, which I'll truly miss going forward.

Vulnerable

So, here I am sorta at my worst just trying to let the wind take a load off. I try to be a strong, balanced and neutral leader as much as I can be for as long as I can be. That often means keeping parts of me at arms length from this place, from people I care about, from members of PALnet, and my digital homestead. That said I love this place and I love being a part of this community and wanted to share a touch of weakness and vulnerability. I'm not always the image of the guy I put out there. Sometimes I'm just a sad nephew dearly missing a beloved and supporting uncle. It's just being. It's just me. I thought I'd share what that's like at the tough times.

Steem is the broken hearts club. Here's another piece of my heart ripped off. I'm betting folks can relate, and I'm hoping this can positively impact at least one other person to hear this story and see the approach even if it is a little off the wall and in the air. Much love Steem. I've gotten some very supportive comments and kindness. It matters and thanks for your caring. Please keep my family in your prayers for a bit.

Namaste,

Aggroed

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That looks like a brilliant way to mourn. You may be sad now, but have been weightless. You have cried, but had air literally blasted into you. It’s feeling the two extremes that keep you balance apparently. Hang in there uncle aggy. I love ya, sending strong comforting virtual hugs, and prayer 💜

Dear @aggroedthank you so much for sharing in such an open, unabashed way. Though I'm sincerely sorry to hear of your loss, I'm grateful to know you have this kind of meaningful ritual, no matter how atypical it may be.

I staunchly disagree that you're showing weakness of any kind. On the contrary, I'd argue that being authentically vulnerable is the greatest indicator of deep inner strength, revealing integrity rather than fragility.

Your willingness to be honest and transparent with all of us is, in my opinion, the mark of a truly great leader.

I hope the sting of your loss softens over the coming days – that you allow yourself all the time you need to truly grieve.


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'There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.' - Washington Irving


Great post. I love your work great job. Keep steeming

I am sorry for your loss. I relate to it, and you more because of it.

My baby brother died suddenly in April. He was 51. Per normal, my mourning really came on my motorcycle as I rode the 1500 miles to his place. It was mostly cold and miserable and nasty, perfect weather to remember and mourn my brother.

I appreciate that you shared this part of you with us. Thank you.

I'm sorry to hear you longing for your uncle. Life is always like that, people come and go. My father died in 2016 but it was like yesterday and it's like he's not gone 'coz I dream about him everynight. His voice is fresh in my imaginations til it says it's okay . Whenever he is now, he is very proud of his chemist nephew for sure and the PALnet leader. So I'd really agree that Steemit is the broken heart club to tell our sentiments in life.

Me and vachemorte have looked into doing this, I have to admit it does seem very cathartic, it must feel kind of freeing to just let the air take control of you like that and just float. I'm sorry again to hear about your loss, it sounds like your uncle had a great life, ❤️hugs❤️

First of all sad to hear now after your mother your uncle has also passed away. I pray they rest in peace. However floating in the wind an amazing feeling it would. And for sure ability to feel that you are floating would be difficult bit of piece. However it for sure out of all the hardships will be amazing and wonderful. Hope to enjoy it.

How I wish I was flying like that a dream of my childhood

One day I wanna try the real thing.

So sorry about this @aggroed.

Trust me i know the feeling. I remember my dad. It clocked 3 years on Feb 14 that he died. It was tragic. Three days earlier i was with him and told him i was bringing my girlfriend home to see him as he has always asked of her.

Three days later, we were there beside him beside his sick bed. It was sudden and quick. He had no time to talk with me. He was frail. He breathe his last in my arms.

This is great, man. I always love your narratives. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

@aggroed

Please keep my family in your prayers for a bit.
Sure I will.

I understand what it feels like to lose a loved one especially those very dear to us.
Coupled with the fact that you have a family and a Job that still takes off You, I can imagine how strong you are.

How pained you are but still show off and show us the bright and happy sides.

You are an amazing person.
I read stories from @teardrops and several people's story and I've noticed strength in weakness.

I'm happy you are still holding yourself together.
You need it, your family needs it, those around you needs it .

I don't know if you are a religious person but the holy book says "God is faithful, he would never give us a burden greater than us".

I'm praying for you my friend. You'll feel better

@aggroed A very valuable experience in every journey of your life and a highly motivated reader.

So sorry about your loss. It must have been so hard. Hmmmm uv gots lots of experiences, good, bad and ugly. @aggroed Nevertheless having a great family like Steemians is a great deal. We love youuuuuuuuuuuuuu. I @oredebby loves you

I don't think your approach is off the wall at all. I like to go jet skiing if i can anytime but in situations like that too. Nothing like wind blowing 50 mph and water splashing in your face. I haven't tried indoor skydiving but sounds like a good way to unwind.

Life is full of ups and down a human being saw many happiness and somegime sadness too so be still my friend have faith and live a happy life thabk you god bless you

So sorry about your uncle's death..
Great post.....I understand what you must be going through.
But this is life and we must all go through this pain. My prayers are with your family.
Stay strong
thanks for sharing @aggroed

Going through the post I could feel the pain and really sorry about your loss. Now your uncle is gone, the least you do is to keep your aunt closer, I know she reminds you of your mum.
You may not be the image of the guy you put out there but the image most of us see, is a good man loved by Steemians and got a blockchain family online. Be strong

The death of a loved one is an event that all of us is likely to experience during our lifetimes.
Dealing effectively and positively with grief caused by such a loss is central to your recovery process and your ability to continue with and fulfill your own life for the better.
My prayers are with your family!

So sorry about your uncle's death..
I understand what you must be going through.
But this is life and we must all go through this pain. My prayers are with your family.
Stay strong

So sorry about your loss, may his soul rest in peace. Stay strong for us and your family, will put you and your family in my prayers. May the lord give you the strength to bear your loss and carry on. You deserve unlimited happiness cos you put smiles on people with what you do here. Stay stronger than ever

I lost my father suddenly... a call from my brother at 2am on a Monday night... and he was gone. Thanks for sharing your story. You and your family are in our prayers.

You have being strong even after loosing 2 family members of yours.....god bless you. and as always very beautifully you have described all the mixed feelings going inside you.

Well, that's one way to cope.

My maternal grandfather passed away on my birthday in 2013, 3 days before his 86th birthday. I spent the day in carrying states of "it's my birthday, I can't wait to party!" and bawling my eyes out. Later that night, I went and saw Gabriel Iglesias at one of the local casinos. And that was probably the best thing for me, because it distracted me from the mourning. Even if only for a few hours. I needed that...

So yeah, I kinda see where you're coming from on this one.

My condolences. The anniversary of my dad passing was not long ago, and it can be hard. Based on your description of his impact on your life, on how he lived his life, it sounds like he was a good man who lived life on his terms. It is always an honor to have such people around us to reinforce our foundations.

@aggroed, I am sorry for your loss, I had the wind knocked out of me last week as well, when i found out a very good friend of mine was found lying on his floor, no one is quite sure what happened yet.

The way you grieve the passing of your loved ones, is personal to you and whatever way you choose to do that is your prerogative. In actuality I think its a great way to have some alone time to console yourself.

my thoughts are with you at this time. All the time and effort you spend helping us all out is much appreciated. Stay Strong!!

That looks cool, done the real thing once. Would love to do it again,and that looks fun too and safer..lol
Take care.

I am sorry for your loss. We all grieve and cope in different ways. Skydiving is as good as any other way! I will pray for your family.

Sorry about your loss buddy, everyone copes differently, there's really no 'proper or right' way in my opinion.

Hey. Thank you for this post and sorry for the loss. I lost my mom last last year and since I live halfway around the world was not able to spend much time with her near the end. I do not know every small detail of what went on with her toward the end but I do know that I loved her immensely and she did me and in the end that is really the only thing that matters.

This life is so strange. Just as you begin to figure things out you are in physical decline. But in a weird way, if you back away from it a bit it all kind of makes sense.

We are here to experience and to take each event as a moment in time and to appreciate it. To do this we have to slow down a bit and take it all in. We must also learn about ourselves and what we need to gain some balance. It sounds like you have done that.

Stay strong and know that your Uncle is always with you and understood everything you never got to say. Keep learning and keep being a great person. You will be fine as he is now. God bless your Uncle, you and your family.

An interesting thing for men, is that activity is often the best for grieving. Such as digging the grave. Men are most in touch with who they are when doing things. Its how we are wired.

So, falling towards the floor, like a brick doesn't sounds like a great way to get yourself back in balance.

@aggroed, First of all, I am sorry for your lost... I hope everything is ok with you right now, this is our life and soon we will follow our loved ones at the right time. My mother DIed this December last year...

Your practice skydiving in that isolated area is really amazing! That was my dream... I am planning to experience the skydiving here in Dubai once I gathered the money that I need. It was 2,000 AED only with back up when you jump. In dollar is around $544.51, 1 jump!

I feel envy to you, you have your shots on skydiving even this is just the beginning. Take good care of your health also brother... Looking forward to your real jumping from the sky!!! (^_^)

You are a fast learner!!! I was shouting when saw you flying with your teacher! Hahaha

I'm really sorry for your lost. That was a touching video.

How I wish I can come and join you in this great indoor skydiving.. Prettyawesome

Great post I'm so sorry for your loss 100% upvoted 👍 @powerupsteem

I always love your narratives. Thanks for sharing your experiences.U5dsppcNJMM2rn9aoXkiw43DvanrzzY.gif

May your uncle rest in peace. he is in a much better place now. More power to you!

Nice... Unique. I like this post

good post.👍👍👍

Very good post. I always follow you, good luck always on your side.

I am really sad for this death..The death of a loved one is an event that all of us is likely to experience during our lifetimes.

Nice post, thanks for sharing

I wish I was flying like that a dream of my childhoodDQmavEYxhkcSJ1NZknoGKdQtmihXwBj15iufN3cH4aW3Fhm.gif

This nice family i appreciate your post ..

Very nice post !!!!! Restemeed and upvote!

a very good post, go ahead and succeed in steemit.

Oh
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I pray for strength for you

Wow it's superman in action flying with nice moves.

I'm so sorry for your loss sir, accept my condolence and rest assure they are both in a better place, no more night.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

The only thing we can say is continue your fight!

I really like your post...👍

Very good post. I always follow you, good luck always on your side.

We tend to stay as hard as we can but at the end some things just bring us to tears and we can't stop at that point. Anyways its one of the unique and maybe the best way of mourning. Fly fly happy fly.

Thank you for showing us you are human @aggroed.

None of us are robots. Emotions are real. Loss is real. How we deal with those situations is real.

Sometimes the only thing we can do is to keep putting one foot in front of the other until we walk out the other side.

Our thoughts are always with you.

You reacted by doing something physical to act out your grief, and I think that's healthy. I'm sorry for your loss. Take care.

To hear the speech version of this post click the play image.

Brought to you by @tts. If you find it useful please consider upvote this reply.

I jump too, got my AFF yeeears ago but haven't been in a while and have never tried the indoor stuff. 2 mins is amazing lol , double what you get when you jump . I live in SD so there is one here... might have to go try it 0_o Ps: we all grieve in our own ways, its personal and that's all there is to it

Good onya mate, its a great time...maybe try the real thing one day ;-)

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