Toxic Stuff in the Family --- Being Gaslighted and Shit
This is quite a story that I think people would learn a thing or two about dealing with people and relationships. I do not usually share about my life but I feel like I want to because this has changed the entire course of my life and my daughter's recently.
So, for whatever reasons some people I know just decided they don't want anything to do with me and just, I don't know, kick me in the face or whatever. So they started this weird things of talking behind my back, upsetting my kid. Many things. At first, I was numb because I am usually numb because I have personal issues I deal with seriously and I am always in deep thoughts and uhm, that's just how I roll. Until I realized, I am being attacked and my kid being dragged into this bullshit. So, when I realized I am not wanted, I had to ask, I had to probe what have I done and there was no sense to any reason they have because I did nothing to deserve their shit. Siguro, yes, I am a liability being a sick person in the house. So, as a reaction to their unreasonable judgement and unacceptable behavior towards me and my daughter, which is SOBRA NA, I have withdrawn and stopped talking to these people and I even left them along with my inheritance if there are any. I also have my future plans to someday leave this town to be totally over with these toxic relationships.
Then the gaslighting came. Like they invalidated my feelings. That I am too sensitive and matampuhin. That I do not forgive. That they just want things to be back to how they were. That it's my fault, I am not nagpapakumbaba. You started the shit storm! You provoked me. You stressed me out and now I am reacting, I am the one at fault for reacting to your toxicity and bullshit? I am the one that's crazy? Ako yung salbahe? Imagine hah, I was done wrong tapos ako pa need magpakumbaba. Inaway ako tapos mali ko pa kasi nag react ako sa idea na inaaway nga ako na wala akong kasalanan.
Amazing no? How people can just bully you kasi mahina ka tapos when you react and question why you are being maltreated they let you feel like it was just some mad trip and you are stupid and insane to be too bothered and react the way you do. How they have the right to hurt you pero ikaw wala kang karapatan magalit in return kasi, just forget it because it was just a snap on their part? Dapat sayo kasi ikaw yung vulnerable dapat ikaw nalang magpakumbaba at magpatawad without them even saying sorry. Kasi senior mo sila. Kasi you are related. Kasi you are family.
I just have to let this out. Putangina, I am a psych. Do not do this to me because I know how I'm supposed to feel and I know how I'm supposed to process my stress. I cannot find it in me to forgive people that invalidate my feelings, people that threaten my peace and my health. I'm sorry, I'm not sorry.