Surrender - A Dreamy Freewrite about Losing Control and Letting Go

in #freewritelast year

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...and I wish I knew how to let go.

To be honest, I don't really know why or for whom I'm writing this piece, but if there's one place I want to record these messy and tangled thoughts, it's here.

I'm completely emotionally exhausted right now and yet, somehow it feels like the perfect time to let these words out, even though I know there might not be many ears waiting to listen.

There's this feeling inside me I can't quite explain.

It seems like every time I'm deeply hurt to a point where I feel like letting go of everything and everyone, this strange feeling inside me makes me feel invited and comfortable.

It's like hallucinating in the melody of the most beautiful song ever written, gazing dumbstruck in wonder at the most beautiful star ever seen in the night sky, and falling into the bottom of the deepest ocean there is.

For some reason, even being hurt feels comfortable after a while. Sounds crazy, but you start to appreciate that you were hurt this way and hurt so deeply.

It's only when you break open can the light get in.

It's a high unlike any other I've ever experienced before. It's that point where you're on the verge of breaking apart and you know you have no intention to pick up the pieces once you do.

Whenever I feel it, it feels like this feeling has been quietly sitting in my mind waiting for me to return. For some reason, it feels more familiar than any person I've ever met.

It makes me want to stay in this feeling for as long as I can; free from all my fears and worries of the future, undesirous of anything and incredibly grateful for everything.

And with time it fades away like it never visited. But I know it will return, and when it does, I'll welcome it like a long lost lover.

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Nice freewrite. Your words reminded me of something my grandmother used to say: if a problem has no solution, then it's already solved. Meaning "when you have no way out of a situation, it's useless to spend any more time stressing about it."

Wise words. If you know you've already done the best you can, it's better to let things fall into place and not try to control everything :)

This is deeeep. I can resonate a lot with it.
There's something about being hurt to the point where it's like you almost can't be hurt anymore and then there's a feeling of some sort of nirvana associated with that.

Though I'm not grateful for all of the pain, there is some I'd rather not have experienced and don't want to try to use it as a learning experience because she told me she didn't want to be a learning experience and because I feel that way too, not just because she said it... But there's a certain hard to describe kind of sacredness to some pain that is different in my opinion.

You're great with words and I love reading your articles!

There's something about being hurt to the point where it's like you almost can't be hurt anymore and then there's a feeling of some sort of nirvana associated with that.

I honestly thought that I'll look crazy to share this, haha! Thanks for making me look sane lol. It's good to know that you feel the same way. It's indeed a unique feeling!

Though I'm not grateful for all of the pain, there is some I'd rather not have experienced and don't want to try to use it as a learning experience because she told me she didn't want to be a learning experience and because I feel that way too, not just because she said it.

I understand. If I had a choice, I would try to avoid those feelings of pain too because they look just too hard to handle and emotionally exhausting, at least from the surface. It's difficult to explain but I guess when you're in that kind of deep pain, it sorta feels comfortable. I don't know why. Maybe it's because you come to realize, subconsciously, that you're at least strong enough to survive this pain.

But there's a certain hard to describe kind of sacredness to some pain that is different in my opinion.

I guess that's what makes it beautiful, right? Like, you know it's supposed to be a bad experience, but surprisingly enough, it doesn't feel like one. It feels more like an awakening moment. Something that will make you discover things about yourself.

You're great with words and I love reading your articles!

Aww, thank you!! I've always been a fan of your compliments too haha!

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Thanks for the curation!! :D

Thanks for that great advice @ayushjalan, when we get hurt and finally start talking about it that is also when we can start letting go and begin healing, it's awesome.


This post is AWESOME!

It has therefore got a 100% upvote from @thisisawesome, for the Awesome Daily Upvotes in category Freewrite, I give out 1 such vote in that category per day, plus 3 more in other categories, and your post will also be featured in todays Awesome Daily report for more visibility.

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Indeed. True healing only begins once you accept that you need it. Thank you for the curation :)

Thanks @ayushjalan, and thank you for creating awesome content.

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