Learning to be friends, to value friendship in society
Friendship is unique, if only because it cannot be unrequited. Therefore, from the very beginning, the idea was laid here that friends are equal participants in relations. "Friendship is mutual in its essence: we are friends with a person, and he, in return, with us,". It is important to remind here that the personality of each, is symbolically divided into three parts: Child, Parent and Adult. So, it is possible to build symmetrical, equal relationships only from the position of an Adult.
Friends are often closer to relatives. What prevents us from building harmonious relationships with friends. Equal relations can only be built from the position of an Adult.
Other people, unfortunately, do not have a telepathic gift. Therefore, real friendship requires the presence of a logical Adult who is able to understand: everyone has their own definition of trouble, and not only to convey this understanding to friends, but also to decide what to do if they do not agree with this concept. "
Even in order to transfer relations to a new, higher quality level, one has to go through a crisis.
It turns out that you need to "grow" your inner Adult. How to do it? First of all, from the world of metaphors, return to objective reality: in case of disagreement, do not scold yourself for childishness (that is, do not "turn on" the Parent), do not be capricious and do not be offended, which is typical for a Child, but feel that we ourselves are responsible for actions and we can choose a suitable, adequate line of behavior, reduce the emotional intensity. This is easy to do if you adhere to a certain algorithm.
It is recommended focusing on a controversial situation, which, moreover, causes anxiety, to think about what will be its positive and negative outcome. It is worth imagining the worst development of events (the friend will not want to communicate anymore) and think over your actions. And when the consequences of the negative development of events are presented in as much detail as possible, take steps that can be taken now. "It is necessary to believe: success is achievable, but to take precautions,".
As cynical as it sounds, friendship is a relationship based on mutually beneficial exchange. "This is an exchange of emotions, actions, time, even material values," In order to maintain friendship, each participant in this relationship gives and receives something in return. Then they develop and continue. "If an equivalent exchange does not take place, sooner or later the giving side will be exhausted. There will be nothing to share, or the desire to do so will disappear. Surely everyone has friends-consumers who need us just to" cry in a vest ", give a ride to the mall, help meet relatives at the train station or at the airport, sit with the dog while they are on vacation.
At best, you will get meager gratitude from them, but usually such people take our services for granted." the culture of mass consumption is reflected in friendly relations. “Without noticing it, we begin to treat a loved one from the point of view of a consumer: we turn to him when it’s bad, and forget about his existence when we feel good and fun." have one million dollars. "At the first sign of a consumer attitude from either side, it is important to clarify the situation. It is recommended using motivational statements:" We had a great relationship, but the moment came when one of us broke trust. What do you think can be done to bring back kindness to each other? "
Of course, it is worth learning to appreciate people not only for what they can give us, but also for what we can do for them ourselves. After all, this is a great opportunity to reveal your best sides.
When a friend doesn't live up to expectations, we become intolerant. Such a reaction may be the result of an infantile outlook on life or a lack of life experience. We tend to regard unjustified hopes placed on a friend as a manifestation of weakness on his part, and this is a very strong experience: “It is important to think here: am I ideal myself? friendship. It is worth learning not to globalize other people's mistakes: if a person has done a bad deed, does this mean that he is completely and completely bad himself? " Being condescending to others is the path to natural human relationships.
Healthy friendships go through crises like any relationship. But you can endure them if you are able to feel, be aware of what is happening, and change. These relationships are enjoyable and meaningful in life.