Coffin Erections Help Wine Grapes Grow!

in #gardening2 years ago

I had the weirdest dream last night.

Maybe I should have made this post directly after it, but today has been a tiring day and I got at least a few extra things done. Planted a few things.

To start off, I guess I have to explain what I've been doing lately.

I really love listening and watching lectures and educational videos, and listening to them while I sleep even. Usually I just use those because they're easier to get on my phone, but recently I started a trial of an audio book app, and have been using that to listen to audio books. Ironically, because I like educational books more, I've actually ended up mostly listening to books that are non-copyright, produced by a non-profit from old educational books.

Last night I started listening to The Kitchen Gardener, by Robert Buist, ca 1847! Really fortunate too, since I ended up tossing and turning for hours trying to fall asleep.

I do that usually even without listening to anything. Listening to something just makes my brain keep thinking through dreams and absorb the knowledge.

If you're interested, you can also read "The family kitchen gardener: containing plain and accurate descriptions of all the different species and varieties of culinary vegetables" from the Internet Archive.

That's right, it's pretty much a guide to gardening as well as an encyclopedia of plants!

Pretty damn cool.

It lead to two things though. First I heard the part mentioning composting and got really fucking annoyed that so many forgot how to do it for so long when it was apparently a big thing that was fairly common in the mid 1800's. Of course, many farmers still composted through the 20th century, but believe it or not, some forgot. I shit you not. Some farmers had to rediscover how to compost certain things. At least I've heard various farmers talk about how learning to compost changed everything for them. But maybe they were outliers. I know a lot of people seemed to forget how to compost at some point in our relative recent history, even if farmers kept it up, or some of them did, or most of them did.

At some point in our elder's lifetime people forgot how to do shit. No pun intended.

It's not like composting is hard. To do it effectively you just build a pile and bury stuff in it, to do it the lazy way, and occasionally turn it or move it with a shovel and water it. Or you make layers of wet and dry organic material. Even paper or cardboard! In fact, you can cover it up with cardboard and keep worms in it. Or you can build a worm bin fairly easily. Or grow other types of insects for your chickens!

But it's like we forgot how to do all sorts of basic things sometime in maybe the mid 1900's.

Composting isn't hard. It's definitely not just putting hay and shit in a pile and leaving it. That will kinda work, but the shit won't really break down much, unless you add a lot of hay and leaves and stuff.

Anyway, I digress.

Listening to this awesome book about vegetables and gardening also led to a second thing. I had a dream, with Lucy Liu, (so hot) where her and a few others were undercover as mobsters at a secret conference of evil villains trying to take over the world, through a wine grape conference and competition.

It was actually really cool.

I wish you could have seen their outfits. All I can say is that Lucy Liu looks fucking amazing in a tight gangster-esk magenta dress, with black accents, and a black hat, with a veil.

I could drool. She looked fucking amazing.

And they rode away at the end in something like a black 1930's sedan. It was pretty cool.

But the oddest part is that to maintain their cover, they had to come up with proposals that had to do with somehow pushing the improvement of grapes...and Lucy Liu's proposal was coffins...sized to allow for erections. And somehow she was able to convince these crazy fucking villains that this was a legitimate idea, while everyone that wasn't an evil super villain looked at her like she was fucking nuts. It was great.

Sometimes my brain is fucking nuts.

It was a great dream though. And I can't wait to listen to more audio books. Unfortunately, Scribd seems to actually kinda suck for non-fiction educational audio books.

6188204_a02b05c0_1024x1024.jpg
Saxon coffin reused as a garden feature (source)
Outside the south porch of St Agatha's church. Such stone coffins were in use in the 9th and 10th centuries and would have been buried in shallow excavations so that the tops were flush with the ground, and then covered with memorial slabs.
Image © Copyright Tiger and licensed for reuse under this Creative Commons License.

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