Is it better to be similar or complementary in love?

in #healing24 days ago

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People who fall in love each have their own original intention, but people who break up always have the same reason - incompatible personality.

Some people say that character decides fate. Now it seems that there are too many things influenced by character, and even take charge of our marriage. Personality is not as easy to identify as gender. It needs us to get in touch with each other for a long time. If before falling in love, we can know what kind of personality we should get along with, can we avoid the imperfect ending of breaking up caused by personality incompatibility?

In fact, what kind of character the other party is is not the key. In short, the key is whether he matches your personality. The word "matching" contains a lot of knowledge, which may be complementary patterns or similar types.

So, should we find people with complementary personalities to fall in love, or should we find people with similar personalities to fall in love? Which type of pairing is easier to keep a relationship going?

It's easy for two people with similar personalities to attract quickly. Because of similar personalities, you are more likely to have common interests and hobbies and resonate easily. Even if there are different interests, the same attitude towards people and things will be revealed in the process of contact. This similarity is like a gift of life, but also like a traction of fate. After all, it's amazing to meet a similar soul in the vast sea of people.

It's the similarity of each other's personalities that makes love more lasting and stable.

Psychologist Zick Rubin and others surveyed 202 couples who were dating for several years, 103 of whom eventually broke up. Compared with other married couples, these couples are quite different in gender roles, attitudes towards having sex with acquaintances, romanticism and religious beliefs.

In other words, differences in values and personality are likely to lead to the breakdown of love relationship, while couples with similar personality are more likely to maintain a stable relationship.

If the social status, family background and other macro level situation are quite the same, a person similar to you may be a better choice. This kind of matching is also called homogamy.

Many people will think about this result with the principle of true love first. They often think that because they don't love each other deeply enough, they can't tolerate the difference between each other and themselves, which eventually leads to the breakup, and the incompatibility of personality is only the fuse.

So, what is love? It is a necessary condition for marriage, but not a sufficient condition. Two people can love each other deeply, but it doesn't mean that the love relationship can last for a long time, and love is never the same thing, it can develop in depth, or float on the surface and eventually disappear.

The details of life tend to kill each other's love, so that two people's love eventually become indifferent.

When you say "I love you", it is an instant feeling; when you say "I will always love you", it is also an instant promise. Of course, we hope that the feeling and commitment of a moment can be automatically copied to every moment and finally combined into eternity. But it's a pity that even the two people who love each other all their lives are not in love all the time. They have not only experienced the moment of love, but also experienced many moments when they can't. As we often say, no matter how loving a couple is, there are hundreds of times in their life that they want to strangle each other. These thoughts often come from moments when they don't feel love.

All these moments add up to determine the direction of the two final relationships. The more moments of love, the more likely it is to produce positive accumulation; the more moments of non love, the more likely it is to destroy and kill the faith of love.

Therefore, there is no real continuous, continuous love, only a moment, a moment of love. Barbara Fredrickson, a professor and positive psychologist at the University of North Carolina in the United States, defined love as "tiny moments with positive resonance" through years of research.