"Living Solo" : how to keep up and enjoy the benefits of freedom
Use three adjectives to describe the kind of person you want to be. Perhaps, over time, the image will change, but the very fact of its presence is very important: the selected qualities will serve you as a value guide and the basis for decisions and actions. Perhaps some qualities will be relevant for a short time, for a specific task or goal. Others will stay with you for a long time. Decide for yourself. Adjectives don't have to be serious. You may have gone through difficult times, so cheer yourself up.
Consider if you want to be: positive, courageous, kind, skillful, strong, motivated, calm, optimistic, wise, gentle, loving, persistent, generous, compassionate, open, efficient, friendly, active, energetic, patient, happy, generous , passionate, disciplined, responsible, caring.
Act like the person you would like to become, and eventually you will become. Be your own beacon and guide.
Very often you will have to mobilize all your inner resources to stay strong and courageous. You must admit that you cannot run away from unpleasant emotions and do not shrug them off. You must face them, acknowledge these feelings, sort them out and learn to control them. [...]
It is very important to keep this in mind when people hurt your feelings - intentionally or accidentally. They themselves are not always aware of the impact of their words and actions. At such moments, I try not to forget that people are only projecting their own attitude towards themselves onto me. By impulsively responding to the interlocutor's remark, you give him your strength. If I see that a person is really trying to hurt me, then mentally I raise a shield with a mirror facing him in order to protect myself and show him that now he is talking not about me, but about himself.
Of all the advice received in life, one of the most useful was the following: you cannot influence how people will act with you, or change some situations, but you can control your reaction to them.
You are not able to change the direction of the wind, but you are able to control your sails.
The same applies to living alone: perhaps you would like to share a shelter with another adult or have a family, but the reality is that there is no one around, so only your attitude to the situation will determine how joyful such a life will be for you. ...
As my own life experience shows, difficulties temper us. A grain of sand in a shell turns into a pearl. Therefore, take any troubles - and they will be - as veils, passing through which you will become stronger and wiser. And if you urgently need to throw out seething emotions, take a dozen eggs and go for a walk in the forest; Throw eggs into the trees with all your might - and feel how satisfaction replaces anger!
The very fact that no one is around does not mean anything. The problem is the feeling of loneliness that appears under different disguises. It can hide behind sadness, apathy, indifference, fatigue, depression. It is tangible. It is real. It will not be so easy to lag behind. How to defeat him?
Understand that this is normal. Embrace your loneliness and move on. The feeling of loneliness is inevitable. It is a fact. Everyone I spoke to while writing this book touched on the topic of loneliness. Everyone experiences this feeling: someone to a greater extent, someone to a lesser extent. It is as if you are driving through hilly terrain and from time to time descend into the dark lowlands. This feeling is expected. The main thing is not to linger in the lowlands, not to set up camp there.
You can fight the coming feeling of loneliness by moral and physical means. The former are much more important. You can, of course, physically surround yourself with people, but your sense of self has nothing to do with them. This is an inner attitude. You can't hide from him; you will only run away from yourself. So accept, accept and live with him further.
Accept that the feeling of loneliness, like happiness, sadness, death, birth, love and delight, is an integral part of the human being.
Resign yourself and live on.
Paul Tillich wrote: “Language wisely separates the two sides of the same phenomenon. There is the word "loneliness" meaning suffering without others. And there is the word "solitude" meaning bliss without others. Turn away from loneliness with its criticism and isolation. Face his friendlier brother - solitude.
Solitude is closer to a conscious decision and allows you to maintain your self-esteem. Solitude is your personal choice, while loneliness is a condition imposed by circumstances.
An old Buddhist adage says, "A tenth of an inch of difference - and heaven and earth are separate." Solitude and loneliness are also separated by a tenth of an inch, but for our sense of self it is crucial.
When you live alone, you have to rethink your worldview, and this is far from all the changes . Do not even think of thinking of living alone as a prison sentence that you have to serve. Change your angle of view. Reframe the concept. Solitude is not a stone on the neck, but a protective capsule. A means to an end. Learn to draw strength from it - and you will be rewarded.
“If you want to be happy, be happy,” Tolstoy said. He knew a thing or two about life even before scientists started studying the problem of happiness, and the authors raced to write their practical guides for those who want to find the joy of life.
The world is as you see it. So if you feel like you missed your chance or that life has treated you unfairly, this is your reality. I’m not saying that you need to think positively with a fake smile on your face, but research (and common sense) indicates that a positive mindset leads to positive outcomes. In the morning, as soon as your feet touch the floor, think about how you would like to live the day ahead.
Experts have proven that feeling happy contributes to success, not the other way around.