[Short story in 3 acts] Helena
I recently published this series of acts as delivered in parts, I had originally written them years ago in Spanish, my native language, but now I thought about grouping them and translating them since it actually forms a story in three acts ... It makes me think that It could be used as an idea for a play, but I don't know what it would be like to do that.
Act 1 - Pain.
The monsters that we are are born from what we do.
Nothing I do will bring her back, but this does not relieve me of my grief.
Her body must still rest warmly on its cold tombstone. It was my carelessness that killed her, our families do not blame me and the principals of each branch have given me support, only the minors point at me low and whisper from the corners, they are afraid of me.
I have become a dark monster that moves from the shadows. A sad monstrosity that tries not to let the last piece of a soul that was once human fall in its path. Sadness reigns as queen in a dance of the most infernal masks.
My love, if only I could change the past, go back to what I was, behave just like the facade that I kept before your family, a correct and brilliant young man; If I could do it like that, you would still be alive and would live happily.
I always knew that we would part, but I was glad to love you without expecting anything in return. Maybe that's why I'm neglecting me and it turned out to be my own weapon that killed you.
I would like to rip this heart from my chest and the pain from my soul, but for that I would have to forget you ... I can't ... I shouldn't kill you twice.
Act 2 - Remeeting
Come back only when you're ready ... not before.
Hello my love. How are you? - I did not expect an answer, it was only a courtesy to mark the start of my visit
I see they have taken good care of you - I kept talking to myself - I'm sorry I didn't come to see you earlier.
I didn't come before because I was a bit scared - I sat down on the grass and let the flower arrangement rest next to me - It's hot, right?
These flowers were very well arranged, the florist smiled at me when she asked me if I wanted to bring a card, she would think it was for a girlfriend or someone in love - The sky is clear and blue, it is hot, but the soft breeze of the place is comforting - I told him that it was not necessary, that you understood my actions and thoughts without me saying anything
Then she told me that you surely loved me - there is sadness in my voice, I don't know if I will be able to finish the visit - Surely she loves me, but not as much as I love her, that's what I told her, I must have had a good smile, Well, the woman didn't tell me anything else.
I have missed you so much, I no longer know if I am doing the right thing to try to continue - loneliness comes out of my lips and the pain stored in my heart overflows through my eyes gently - you remember how they told us that men do not cry, it was a lie. That girls do not play handheld or with weapons, another lie
Our world is different from how they would have us believe - I have a gun in my pocket, I don't know why I brought it, this is not the best place to use it - We are not like the others believed. - I spend some time in silence, waiting for an answer that would not come.
Just for you, I was good in the eyes of our families, I tried to cover my faults and separate you from my world, I wanted to save you - I'm alone in the meadow - I couldn't do it
When everything was discovered, it was because of your death - the memory hits my face and makes me fall on my back
It all ended for me, I just kept on being strong, that's what I was expected to do. How to bear knowing that I was guilty in your death? I spent sleepless nights trying to deceive myself, but we know very well that I was not innocent of what happened to you.
I still feel that I can hold you tenderly in my arms when I return home - I stroke the grass and lie on one side, the bulge in my pocket reminds me that I am armed - It would be so easy to put an end to this. I only live trying to do what you could not, I try to help others, without them knowing the reason for my reasons, they believe that I am a fool or a philanthropist, but I really try to redeem my guilt.
I have been here for a long time, if it weren't for the fact that the guards already know that I am coming to see you, they would be asking me what I'm doing lying next to you. I have to confess that I tried to cheat death, I wanted to create an avatar with your memory. You know, I've told you about my work before, an avatar is an artificial life form, a three-dimensional digital body that is endowed with intelligence and can be taught to imitate the behavior of someone in particular. But trying to create one of you was almost sacrilege, with what right would I give your memories to a machine, just to fool my loneliness.
Sometimes I seem to see you in the faces of other people who are the age you were when you left, that illuminates my face and I smile alone, but it is such a strange gesture that I wake up distrust and I know that I should not try to get closer, It could generate many problems - The sun is already declining and I still don't know what to do, I have a weapon, but I do not own my life, now it belongs to her, I should not kill her twice - I have followed your custom of placing the others above you and let them realize that in many cases we overcome them, but we don't mind competing with them, I try to imitate your sweetness and docility, your acid sense of humor when you were with your friends and many other details, that make boys see me as a freak, they have even singled me out as gay! - A soft laugh accompanies the strange joke.
I do not know what to do. I have never been so sincere before, the sun runs its course and leaves me lying in the meadow.
Act 3 - Daughter
Miracles happen for those who observe them.
The nurse has brought my daughter to see her for the first time, she would have been in the delivery room if not for my phobia of operating rooms, I cannot enter one without passing out. She is beautiful, they let me touch her and I carry her for the first time.
His mother is a good woman, she loves me more than I will ever be able to love her, but I let her do. I'd rather be loved than be alone, loneliness leads us to do things like that. My daughter cries softly, I lullaby her and I open her a little to see her face and her chest better, after all I want to admire the beauty born of my imperfection.
When I see her fixed my eyes on a mole on her shoulder, it is a birthmark, but I have seen it before, on another person who has not been alive for a long time. A scream almost escaped me.
- Helena! - My daughter stops crying and recognizes my voice, her eyes do not see me but her calm tells me that she recognizes me. - ¿What …
Several years have passed since the birth, today my daughter is getting ready to go out and see a friend.
Well, I'll be back in a couple of hours.
Be careful, I don't like your friend's uncle very much.
If you ask me to stay, I'll stay.
It's not that, just take care.
Thanks Dad - my daughter smiles at me and leaves the house.
She never asks my permission for anything, although she is very mature and knows how to take good care of herself. - My wife tells me her impression.
She is a good daughter - I answer calmly, but without turning to see her.
Since she was born, she only listens to you, I had heard that daughters are more attached to their parents, but there is something in her eyes that surprises me, at times I think she looks like someone in your family, but I don't know why I don't remember who she looks like.
Your ideas dear.
Another thing, you do not like her friend's uncle because he is so young that they are almost the same age or because of something else.
It's not that dear, you know I've never forbidden her to have a boyfriend.
But she's never had it, I think she thinks you wouldn't like it.
I am her father, I am clear that at some point she must leave the nest and fly by herself.
Whatever you say, you don't like the idea of him walking away.
Separations hurt, but they are part of life, it is hard to think that I will lose it again.
Again? But you talk like he's going to another planet, it's just about him growing up.
You are right dear - I am silent from this moment on, she almost realizes how strange my comment is, in truth she is my beloved daughter and I wait with a little pain for the time to leave, but at least this once my Helena had more time to live by my side.