Retro game review: Resident Evil 2 (1998)
What's up, babyboi's? Today, I wanted to review a game that is very close to the tip of my penis. This game was how I very first rubbed my nipples into the horror genre of gaming, and what single handedly sparked my love of the genre. Obviously, I'm talking about
Five Nights at Freddy's the OG Resident Evil 2. The version I'm going to be reviewing is the Gamecube version, as sadly I only played the original Playstation version when I was a wee turbo virgin. I definitely remember some stuff that was amazing to 7/8 year old me though back in the day when I first jammed on it.
One thing that was pretty new to me back then was that I was just playing ordinary people put in a fucked up situation. Most games I played back then involved a mixture of supernatural powered warriors, shroom addicted plumbers fighting a cuck turtle or an emo sword wielding super soldier. But, in Resident Evil 2 you're just a normal human being who may or may not enjoy when the zombies accidentally end up chewing on your colon. Having characters trying to survive in a situation way over their heads makes for a good set up, in my opinion. It was a fresh concept at the time, at least, and is something that always makes a horror game more enjoyable for me. Just feeling like a small part of a much larger lethal world. But, let's get past this intro bullshit and into the rest of the review.
So, for those of you who live under a rock and are too busy to know about this game because you've been trying to pretzel yourself and suck your own penis, let me tell you about the premise of the game. RE2 takes place in the fictional town of Raccoon City. The opening of the game shows the aftermath of a viral outbreak of
Hepatitis B T-Virus caused by a company known as the Umbrella Corporation. The characters of the game are Leon Kennedy, a police officer newly transferred on his first day, as well as Claire Redfield, who happens to be the sister of Chris Redfield from RE1.
At the start, you get to choose which of the characters scenario's you want to play first. Their paths intersect throughout the story, but both characters have their own unique paths to follow with different objectives throughout, giving enough variety to enjoy both play through's. I won't get too knee deep into the actual story of the game for those of you troglodytes who seriously haven't played either this or the remake. But, I will say the stories are very well done with lots of lore and backstory to find throughout the game which fills in the gaps and helps with world building a bit. For it's time, I think it was exceptionally well done and definitely gave my child self a fat ass boner, man.
Another solid aspect about the game is it did a good job of making the city feel dead (Well, undead. You know what I meant, you fucks.) and hollow, giving off a creepy/oppressive atmosphere. Though I feel like these days a lot of younger people would probably say the atmosphere isn't shit while they rub their micro dicks and clits to Slenderman flicking his asshole after 7 minutes of walking around. But, in my personal opinion, I still enjoy it to this day. The camera angles add to this factor as well, though I definitely could understand why the tank angles would give people a floppy penis. There's usually audio cues to alert you once you enter a room, so personally, I didn't feel my balls drying up or anything from the tank controls. (The over the shoulder controls in later games though is definitely better, I can't deny.)
Puzzles have and will probably always be a big part of the Resident Evil series. That same thing applies with this entry in the series, and it did a pretty solid job at it. None of the puzzles make you want to rib out your pubic hair and sling them into your neighbors eyes, and at the same time none of them are something so easy a simp begging a Twitch thot to sleep with them would be able to do. I'm not gonna say this shit was breathtaking or anything and made me run to twitter to post a picture of my spread asshole out of excitement. But, it's competent and entertaining enough to get a pass for pretty much anyone, I'd reckon.
Probably my favorite thing from this game is the creatures that were made for it. This game features some of my all time favorite monsters outside of hentai. In particular, the introduction scene for the Licker is one of my favorites from any horror game, as is the creature design. There is a solid amount of enemies beyond the zombies in here that are some top tier shit, I mean some serious big dick energy here folks. And, that's not even including the two separate big bad's for each scenario, one of which has some creepy/disturbing elements to it's purpose/reason. This will probably be subjective for some, but I'm just saying for me there's a lot of cool shit here.
Finally, I should also mention a bit more about the whole scenario system with the game. To put it in simple terms in case you've been lobotomized in the past, when you start the game you begin the A scenario with either of the characters. After you've beaten this, you can go back and begin the B scenario which then is altered from the first A scenario. Things like item spawns are changed for example, Meaning your actions will change your next playthrough. There are 4 different scenario's that can be set up, meaning there's a fair amount of replayability for you filthy, greasy addicts.
Now, I'm not going to massage this games nipples over everything. There's plenty of stuff that could be better with RE2 for sure. The biggest of which are the tank controls which are super stiff and clunky, which really shows the age of the game. Shit can get frustrating fast when things don't respond very quickly and you end up with a Licker treating you like an onlyfans feet account. For it's time, these controls worked well and fine. But, in our current age this is something that will annoy the fuck out of some people. Thankfully, newer RE games have either went the FPS route or the 3rd person over the shoulder route, making
blowing your load onto a giant frogs face easier than ever before shooting a breeze in comparison.
The cutscenes and voice acting are also abysmal in comparison to what we get in modern games these days, but, again, that's just the game showing it's age. I'm not sure how much you can really fault it for that, as this stuff was pretty standard back in the day. It's nothing that will ruin the game, but if you were hoping Troy Bakers grandfather would be going nuts to butts in the voice booth for this, you'll be sadly left high and dry. Again, not going to shit on the game for the mediocre cutscenes and voice acting, but don't expect something overly impressive for a game that came out in the late 90's.
Otherwise, I'm not sure there's too much else I would say is stinky about this game. This is a classic horror title that helped shape the genre into what it is today. I personally think this is the best entry in the original 3 games before they switched the gameplay mechanics, and can safely say it helped mold my tastes in horror. The remake we got would probably work better for younger hooligans, but I still feel a small wet spot in my shorts from the glory of this game. Especially if you want a nostalgia trip for a few days. If you're interested in giving it a try and don't have a gamecube rotting away like I do, there are ways you can obtain a copy online or you could always get an emulator. Though, I dunno if that'd be a trash fire or not. Anyways, highly recommended for anyone who never played it.
Until next time, pussies.