Say Something - A Short StorysteemCreated with Sketch.

in Freewriterslast year

“I should say Hi to her.” my internal conversation never ceases to end.
“But how do I say hello to a stranger? That too opposite gender.”
“Should I give her a compliment that she looks beautiful?”
“But I think a stuck elevator is not a correct place to say such things. She may mistake me for some creep. I am not a creep. Or do I look like a creep?”

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I was looking at her beautiful face which was reflecting the light of her iPhone. The emergency light was a joke.
“I think she is calling someone. Probably her boyfriend.”
I let out a sigh at that thought.
“Hahaha… try all you want, but the signal won’t escape this Faraday Cage.” I continued my mental dialogue with myself.
“Maybe I should tell her that she won’t be able to reach the outside world as long as she is stuck here with me.” Mental evil laugh.
“What’s wrong with you?” I scolded myself. Of course mentally. “Don’t scare her!!! What if she started screaming what will you do then? Huh!!! you useless… you evil...” I continued.

I checked my watch we were stuck for almost 5mins now. And so far no dialogue. I started wondering.
“What if she is having the same thoughts as I am? What if she I also looking for some opening line, something to break the ice.”
I was still looking at her beautiful face. Suddenly she looked at me. Our eyes met. I smiled and she withdrew her gaze from me. I looked away too.
“What just happened?” Myself, continued with me.
“I think I smiled alright. I smiled alright. I guess. Damn it, there are no mirrors here.”

I was about to declare myself a creep when I heard a valid argument from me. “Wait a minute!!! She never said a word, nor she expressed her disgust. She is a mystery. And I must investigate on why she didn’t acknowledge my smile.”
“But before that I need to initiate a conversation.”
“Hi. Sorry about this situation, but I don’t the maintenance will be here any time soon.” Another suggestion by myself.
“But why I should be sorry. This is the fault of someone else and I am in the same mess as she is. I don’t accept this as an opening dialogue.”
My conversation with the myself ended without me coming up with any opening line. My focus shifted to the pattern on the floor of the elevator. The design wasn’t something that was there to impress people, but rather to cover the floor. Perhaps the patterns have a different purpose, to keep the people who are stuck occupied with its nonsensical design.

I heard something. A question barely audible. A noise like a mouse squeak, but human.
A stupid smile returned to my face.
I looked at her and did a head jerk. The infamous Indian way of asking what happened. I am not going to waste any words on her. But the reply shocked me more. She tapped her left wrist asking me the time.

“See!!! she is playing with you buddy. And the name of the game is NO WORDS.” My stupid brain commented.
“Nine thirty”. I replied to her question with actual words.
She smiled.
“Don’t let this interaction go to waste say something…” My inner self motivated me to say something.
“Hi… umm… don’t worry maintenance will be here soon.” I finally said a full sentence and smiled with confidence.
“Sorry, āmi inrēji balatē pāri nā.” She replied in fluent unknown language to me.
I replied with a fading smile.

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Hello Everyone, I hope the new year is treating you well. And this is one of my experiments with the storytelling. I know many of you might have predicted the ending this way. But that's Ok, Not all elevator encounters ends up in date. My experiment involved playing with the audience expectation and I would like to know your reaction and feedbacks on the story. I know there must be some. ;-)
And I would like to thank BeAwesome team and IndiaUnited for their support. Love you guys.


Well it was a much more sensible and natural ending to the one I had in mind that involved her being a supernatural entity XD

And it was thoroughly amusing how most of the story comprised of the narrator character arguing with themselves XD

Hahaha.. that would have been fun. Her being a supernatural entity.
I thought of that but wanted to stay grounded.

The language she spoke was Bangala. Language of West Bengal India.

The narrator argues a lot with themselves. I think I project myself on my characters. Maybe that's why they spend more time arguing with themselves. Hahaha.

Too much projection makes it Mary Sue (or Gary Stu if you prefer). About this much or a bit less makes it believable and relatable ;D

Hahaha, being perfect itself is a flaw.

I had to google Mary.
And I get it why many would hate her but I kinda like that character. She is OPed without having any power.

Nice one, my friend.

Didn't her phone have the time on it? ;>)
I would definitely have started, or at least have tried to start a conversation, way earlier than this character but yeah, the whole inner dialogue would probably have had taken place already before that ( in hyperspeed, cause that is how my mind works )

Nice one, once again! Easy to relate to.

I tried to translate that sentence, Google told me it's Latvian but couldn't make sense of it. Not that it really matters, it keeps things mysterious.

Have you ever been stuck in an elevator and if so, alone with a woman?

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