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(Click in for a little music to accompany your read.)
The ocean outweighs the land
yet earth offers heavier substance
water no matter how vast
no matter how deep
like your love
evades my grip
I tread upon murky shores
my feet entwined among seagrass
a messy but solid way
surefooted, I am not
but each fall ends
The descent from you does not
I go nowhere
yet in stillness
Feet are earthbound
but a mind may reach beyond
aided by senses
that need no touch
I watch for you …
upon the wave-crests
or emerging from deep currents
you ignore the pull of the moon
shirk-off the insistence of the tides
I listen for you …
only an indecipherable message
upon the fickle breath
of a mercurial
only a memory
of what you no longer are
in the dried remnants of a prickly brine
If only my mind could throw off time
my body supersede its senses
then I might once again
swim in your depths
with smooth and sure strokes
conjure what I struggle to remember
What's On My Mind
As I write this, the rain patters rather insistently against my window. A crisp, certainly autumnal wind blows in from the water just a block a way. The shore spied through the pane is obscured by rainy mist and no longer from the smoke and soot of the California fires down south.
Isn't it the way? Be it from thirst, smoggy haze, or melancholic memories, relief flows in with the water.
I remember my first winter on the wet coast and the months with little to no sun. Rain falling from the sky, continually, without break was just too much of a good thing. A Prairie girl, I was used to big skies and generous light. I was not ready for my first bout of the SAD, Seasonal Affected Disorder.
Something was wrong; I didn't know what. My mind in an attempt to create a reason for its melancholy, to make sense of the senseless, found memories that matched my mood. I became a habitual ruminator, great for poetry, not so much for health and joy.
I have learnt from observing myself it is often a poor physical condition, be it from a deficient or inappropriate diet, lack of sunshine, exercise or sleep or cyclical PMS (yikes) that precedes negative thoughts and rumination. Then of course, those thoughts reinforce the depression.
Sometimes it is easier to change habits than to change or stop negative thought patterns. Yes ... it is not always good to talk about it but better to stop talking about it and do something different. Go somewhere different. So I give myself the best sleep, practice healthy eating habits, and exercise regularly. It helps. A lot. Brings you most of the way there really.
But how does a girl change the sky? Be it smoky or too raining for too long.
I discovered that first winter a walk along the water is also the cure for what ails you even when it trickling down from the sky.
Nothing takes away sadness like the tides. Nothing diffuses melancholy like a sea breeze ... or dilutes the smoke and makes it just a little easier to breathe. If you are near water, your healer is always close at hand.
Get out there and walk.
Words and Images are my own.
Conjured Memory is published in Strays. Strays is available in paperback or digital through amazon and your local libraries and bookstores. Click on any title below to further explore and support my writing.