The expectation of constructing realistic expectations
We encounter so many issues within our lives daily . Most of these problems lie on a spectrum where it ranges from Relationships problems with your Partner or Family or Friends , it could be your boring / exhaustive job or it is your deteriorating health . To be fair each one us fall somewhere in this spectrum of problems.
Among all of these issues we face , a decent amount of them originates or rather triggers as a result of failed expectations. It could be the expectation we had about our life partner or the expectations we had of the job which turned out to be a toxic work environment that drains the fuck out of you mentally , physically and emotionally. Every one of us have fallen prey these kind of failed expectations.
Modern lifestyle gurus and motivational speakers proclaim the only way to lead a tranquil life is to never have any expectations at all from anyone or anything. They believe that expectations are the root cause of our daily problems. So if you are reading this my question to you here is
" Is it possible to have no expectations at all ? Can humans decide to not have expectations at all ? "
Short Answer No! At least from what I comprehended from the life I have lived so far. In my own version of truth and philosophy. It is a clear NO! . I don't see this as a solution at all. Having an expectation to not have any expectation at all is an expectation in the first place. Right !? You see we are products of years of evolution , our brains are innately wired to have expectations so that humans can collectively come as a community to work on a possible event or a product or a law that could be beneficial for sustaining all kind of life forms . Yes! , there is no doubt that failed expectations hurts and it should as it is a social engineering feedback tool that evolution has built into us to prevent humans from making wrong choices.
In the year 1968 Rosenthal And Jacobsen conducted an experiment to study the psychology of expectations and it's effects. For the experiment they both listed the names of 20 random students from a class and reported these student's names to their class teacher proclaiming that these students will show academic excellence in the near future. The selection process of students were completely random. At the end of the year when they returned to the classroom to check on experiment , they found out that these 20 randomly selected students actually did perform well in the class tests and had achieved a good score. So how it did this happen ?
The reason why it happened is because of the expectancy effect that was created within the teachers mind of the randomly selected students. The teachers were more understanding towards these students and went our of their ways to help these students and as a result these students did actually end up doing well. This experiment was famously coined as the Pygmalion effect .
“When we expect certain behaviors of others, we are likely to act in ways that make the expected behavior more likely to occur."
-(Rosenthal and babad)
Another concept of expectation and the behavioural change associated with it , sometimes used in medical field is called placebo effect. Wherein a drug or product with zero effect is used on a patient to sprout a thought in the mind of the patient that the drug is working and will cure the patients condition . The thought of hope just itself cures the patient.
You see expectations also has it's perks. Having expectation is not bad. But having realistic expectation is the key here . Instead of spending time on unrealistic expectations , spend time on what is achievable in your eyes. That way you will stay happy and be a realist. We cannot disregard expectations which we all naturally have. But we can set Boundaries to the expectations and these boundaries change as we evolve with time
Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section .
The above is my original work.
Research paper used for reference source
Thank you for reading .