The "Don'ts" Of Relationships. [Final Part]

in Project HOPElast month

There are many things that people in relationships do that have negative effect on the strength of the relationship. In the last two posts, We took a look at what to avoid so as to retain our relationships. Just a reminder: the responsibility to move a relationship forward and to consolidate on it rests on the shoulders of the parties involved and not on one person. Now let's look at some more pitfalls to avoid in relationships.

Image from Pixabay

1. Comparison

Someone else's relationship should not set the standard for your own. You should understand that you and your partner are different from someone else and their partner, and as such, what worked for their own relationship may not work the same way for your own. When you try to compare someone else's relationship to yours, you may end up putting yours into undue stress just to be like them.

More so, what you see on the outside may not really be what their relationship represents on the inside. So comparing based on outside perception is like comparing someone's strength with your weaknesses. Obviously, you only see what they let you to see but that does not mean they don't have their own dark times, so try to focus on building your own without recourse to anyone's standards.

Many people have lost their relationships on the basis of competition (majorly, material competition). Relationships are not all about competition, neither is it about showing off. You are in relationship with the person and their personality, not with their material possession or lack of it. If material possession is the only reason to be in a relationship, what will happen if there is a shortage in supply? Think about it.

2. Not appreciating and complimenting your partner

You cannot underestimate the power of a sincere "thank you". Not only does it sounds good but it makes your partner to do even more for you. Many people miss it here because they think it is their entitlement to receive what they have received and they will not feel a need to show appreciation. In the long run, it may have negative effect on the relationship, because no one will want to be with someone that is ungrateful.

What does it cost to say "thank you"? Absolutely nothing. Then why not use it as often as you receive even a seemingly little goodness from your partner? In the same way, you should also be benevolent with "I love you" and mean it. These things may look little but not doing them may weaken the walls of your relationship.

Image from Pixabay

Finally, you should keep "I am sorry" very handy. You should not be reminded to use it when you have erred against your partner. These three statements: "thank you", "I love you" and "I am sorry", have exceedingly great influence in relationships, so do not be stingy with them.

Thanks for reading

Peace on y'all

 last month 

Dear @samminator

That was definetly series worth reading. Especially for those who are in relationships and are hoping to step up their game.

Personally I like the most previous part, where you've mentioned acting like we're entitled to things. I realized that even I act sometimes this way - assuming that I'm entitled to things, which were normal part of my life before I got married (mostly: entitled to have freedom over my choices).

Someone else's relationship should not set the standard for your own.

This is very true and quite painful. I've experienced it number of times within first months of my relation. Amount of clashes between us (about those comparison) has been mindblowing. Even years later I do hear from time to time how her ex'es were great at this and that. How they could all drive a car (which I cant and I don't like) etc.

I've been purposely avoiding comparing her to any of my previous partners - and often pointing that out. so she would notice that I'm avoiding doing it. Not because she is perfect, but simply because I don't want to hurt her. I'm not sure how else "fight" with those comparisons. Any advise?

Also our relationships and lifes are often being compared by our partners to other couples. Mostly those on instagram. How to fight with this?

Cheers buddy, keep up with great work (consider posting more often in PH. perhaps 3 times a week?)
Yours, Piotr

Thanks a lot for the nice and insightful contribution and for buttressing the points with your own personal experiences. I'm really honoured by your presence buddy.

consider posting more often in PH. perhaps 3 times a week?

Sure I will. It will be my honour. Thanks buddy.

Have blessed day

I strongly agree with your point number 2 which has to do with not appreciating and complementing one's partner. Even as friends I don't like it when I don't appreciate my friends for great things or favor they might have done towards me not to talk of one's spouse. We should always complement and appreciate our spouse no matter what!

Thanks for sharing this great post with love from @hardaeborla and I hope you have a great day ahead 💕❤️😊

Exactly, it does not even cost anything to appreciate someone and the results are always priceless. People normally flow along well with people that are always appreciative of them.

Thanks for coming around Debo. Bless you

This is great. many relationships have suffered from comparing their current partners with their previous partner.

These are true words. People are different, so comparison shouldn't be a thing at all.
Thanks for coming around

Compare usually leads to disputes and misunderstood, that's why it's wise to provide constructive criticism and develop solid relationships Without a doubt a great series of publications, I congratulate you

Thanks for your kind words buddy.

Compare usually leads to disputes and misunderstood

This is the truth. That's why we should avoid it at all cost.

Thanks for coming around buddy

Hello friend, relationships should always be shared, if you are 2 people both have to give 100% because the relationship works. Competing with each other is obviously not right, on the contrary you must support each other to move forward together and achieve success. I believe that competing is never good, we just have to be ourselves and give everything we have.

You're very correct. Thanks a lot for this nice and insightful comment.
Cheers buddy

Finally, you should keep "I am sorry" very handy. You should not be reminded to use it when you have erred against your partner. These three statements: "thank you", "I love you" and "I am sorry", have exceedingly great influence in relationships, so do not be stingy with them.

It certainly doesn't cost us anything to apologize to the person we love, also to remind them how much we love them, and finally to thank them because they exist in our lives, I think it's a combination of three words that will help us a lot, thanks for sharing this good post. Greetings

Exactly buddy. These three words may look small but they have the ability to turn a relationship around.
Thanks for coming around buddy

I have really appreciated this series of yours.

If I could add something, based on personal experience I would also recommend considering the power of asking your partner "How Are You Doing?". It's a very simple gesture but at the same time it expresses genuine empathy, letting them know we want to know and we are willing to walk in their shoes and support them. It's as close as it gets to a hug, without physical contact.

Greetings friends, good advice, I agree with you that we should not compare ourselves with other couples, since that harms our realization taking into account that each person has a different way of being and you cannot mold the behaviors to someone's liking.

I also consider that an effective communication with your partner, will allow you to solve some differences in an effective way, clearing up some misunderstandings.

See you later my friend, have a great weekend! 🤝

Best regards @samminator. Excellent this series you have shared, it is worth reading. The comparison part seems to me very relevant, the relationship of others never serves as a standard to evaluate one's own, not even one's own past relationships serve to compare.

Greetings @samminator. Excellent closing, your reflections about relationships are very important, it allows us to understand that we are the ones who build our own path as couples, thanks for your contents. Successes.

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