The worst thing about "if you really loved me" is that it ultimately represents "conditional" love, not real love. What that statement is saying is that you care only as long as someone is pleasing to us, and once they stop being pleasing we no longer care for them. In a sense, it reduces love and caring to little more than a transaction, which is very sad.
Raising kids is... well, it doesn't come with an instruction manual! We've raised three (of both genders) and they have now all passed 30 and they are still alive!