How to deal with temper.
In this article you will learn:
What is hot temper;
Types of short temper;
Methods of leveling steady "explosiveness";
Preventive measures for acquired temper.
We often hear the phrase "Bowl of patience", of course, each depth of this "bowl" will be completely different. But what about people who have this vessel in general more like a “plate” and only one drop of problems or negative is enough for a person and everything around him to simply “explode” from an overabundance of emotions? If you recognize yourself in this short metaphorical description, then this article is for you!
What is hot temper
In the world of psychology, temper is an emotional restraint and irritability which is characteristic of temperamental people. According to statistics, this feature prevails in men. Women may also have this trait, but more often it is replaced by resentment and hysteria.
People with a similar problem know how it is - when they are not able to control what is inside, but what causes such a reaction and what are the mechanisms of this process?
To begin with, in principle, any manifestation of emotions in a person is a kind of response of the nervous system to the stimulus of the surrounding world. Among the most common reasons used to attribute only the very nature of a person, combined with his type of temperament, but in fact this is not entirely true. This list also includes:
Dissatisfaction with oneself.
Dissatisfaction with life and circumstances.
Excessive requirements for yourself and others.
Fear of the unknown.
These are the main reasons that provoke the development of short temper. In the future, without measures to level it, it will develop into a very stable trait of character that will be almost impossible to eradicate.
Types of short temper
This character trait is considered negative, but this is not entirely correct. There are two subtypes: the so-called “empty” short-tempered and justified short-tempered.
When a person “explodes” for no reason for no apparent reason - this is an example of “empty” temper. This is an acquired persistent habit. Even given the genetic predisposition, a person cannot be born immediately short-tempered.
The root of this problem is in childhood, when the baby is still not able to control his emotions enough, such a reaction to unpleasant situations is quite common and, if parents do not level it in time, it goes into a stable behavioral reaction. Another reason is the example of parents. After all, a child gains emotional experience by looking at how the older generation acts in different situations. You can teach as much as you want to behave, but the children will observe what behavioral reactions are present in you, and not what you explain to them.
However, there is another type - grounded temper. A vivid example is the violent reaction of the authorities, when the ward made the same mistake several times in a row. In the event that an employee has already been explained how to carry out a particular task correctly, but he still fails, then what other reaction can be expected at all?
But do not find excuses for yourself if such a reaction occurs quite often and mainly for no reason - this is clearly the previous subspecies - “empty” temper. Even this example has its own nuances.
The same goes for a couple relationship. When you say one thing to your partner, do another, but generally think of a third, should you expect an adequate reaction? Any of your words is essentially an agreement between you and your soul mate, and when you repeatedly violate them, you get the appropriate reaction.
Methods of leveling sustainable "explosiveness"
It seems to be sorted out with varieties and subtypes, but nevertheless, what to do if temper has become your main negative trait, and emotions already control you, and not you them? “There are various techniques for complacency and relaxation.”
Each type of hot temper requires its own leveling method. Let's start with an unreasonable temper, which is actually from childhood. This is the most difficult view, which in adulthood is very difficult to fix. But thanks to the perseverance and direct participation of the surrounding caring people, this is still real.
If you already read this material and understand that you notice such traits in your own child - do not rush to panic. Correcting the embryos of temper at this age is much easier.
First of all - review the format of education and your own reactions. In a family where love and care are combined with discipline, we are not talking about the temper of children. Well, of course, analyze the examples of behavioral reactions that your child sees daily, if there is no way to get rid of them, just talk to the child on time and ask: “Look carefully, what do you think, how to behave properly? Will this solve the problem? ” The child himself, with the help of your questions, must come to the correct conclusion.
It is quite another matter when the stable features of the “empty” temper are inherent in an adult. If he understands that he has such a problem and is ready for change, then with the support and understanding of others, you can fix everything.
The first thing to do is to learn how to react differently. One option is to follow a clear plan:
Sit, relax and close your eyes.
Imagine a situation in which you usually break down.
But now vividly imagine your alternative reaction to the same situation - calm and balanced, essentially the one you would like to see in yourself.
And that’s all! Try to do this as often as possible and present the most diverse situations that in the past caused a stormy negative reaction. At first it will be difficult for you, sometimes you will have to scroll through the same situation several times until a new neutral and calm emotion consolidates. The essence of the method is that you build a new behavioral format, "re-educate yourself." But it’s important to realize that quite a lot of time will pass before this takes effect, with enough motivation - anything is possible.
In addition, you can create a so-called “psychological anchor”. It can be a pleasant trifle - a stone brought from the sea, a small gift from relatives or any little thing dear to the heart. The bottom line is that the warmest emotions are connected with her, so that she recalls the situation in which you were absolutely happy and balanced. It is important that this thing is constantly with you, and when you feel that you are about to “explode,” just pick it up and concentrate on those very pleasant memories.
Preventive measures for acquired temper
In the event that hot temper appeared already in adulthood, for reasons that do not relate to established characterological traits, you should first find out what exactly became its trigger and work towards its "neutralization".
Accordingly, if the hot temper manifested itself through a steady long-term overstrain, it is worth stopping and finding time to relax, distract yourself from your favorite business and pause. In addition, if you have already noticed that character changes under the influence of stress, it is worth going through a general examination of the body, because such symptoms can be manifestations of more serious physiological diseases.
The temper, which is provoked by low self-esteem and excessive self-demands, is leveled by the direct participation of loved ones. Share your insecurity with those you trust. Sometimes obvious things can be completely invisible to you, and a “superfluous” reminder that you are successful and have achieved significant success works better than any psychotherapy.
If the reason for the temper lies in the high demands on others, try to be more lenient towards people.They are all different and cannot fall under any subjective standard of yours.
It is important to realize that temper is a problem that primarily hurts you yourself. You should not perceive the information presented as the idea that in general you need to be an emotionally neutral person, sometimes you need to defend your interests. But in the event that your explosive nature prevents you and your family from communicating normally, then you can and should try to improve yourself a little.