How to kill your energy vampire

in #life5 years ago

Have you ever felt that someone sucked whole life energy out from you? 



Of course you have, I never met someone who haven't. It can be your life partner, a friend, a parent or someone from your work. Energy vampires don't know that they are vampires. They just talk, talk and talk and you feel bad when you listen to them. In most cases, these vampires are people very close to you. You meet them every day and they don't even ask you how are you, they immediately start to drain your energy with their own problems. There are energy vampires whose intentions are good but they nag all the time about it. They do that unconsciously and just do not see how other people’s reaction. But these energy vampires really can make you lifeless and tired, they even can cause real health problems to others, from stomach ulcer to infarct.  

It is Sunday and it is a beautiful day outside here in Croatia and I will not allow to anyone to ruin my day with his own problems. So, if we are going to fight with energy vampires, first we must to learn how to recognize them and how to set boundaries.  



It is not hard to recognize them because they make you feel empty. And when you realize that the vampire is draining your energy, it seems that the vampire starts to feel better. Let’s take few examples: 

Overly sentimental persons  

These people are blamers. They are always complaining on something and act as victims. They blame everybody else for their problems without taking any responsibility. And they feel need to share their problems with other people without noticing how do they feel about that. 

Imagine that you have a friend who talks all the time about her/his problems in marriage. That person is devastated and wants you to feel devastated too. Then asks you about you, but don’t really hear the answer. That person can deftly change the subject and but himself as the lead role. If you let them do that, they will call you or text you about every tiny problem in their lives.

Objectors

These people are dissatisfied with their life situation and they blame politics, law and their bosses for that. They can talk about it all the time. They don’t want you to say anything. They act like that is normal thing that you agree with them. If you disagree with them, they will be shocked! They can start to talk bad things about you to others. And the world is not enough to them. They claim that they deserve more money and respect but without real background for that. They are convinced that everybody else is talking against them.

Drama royalty 

Yes, there are many drama kings, queens, princes and princesses in the world and they are making very unpleasant drama of each minor problem that shows up. They are often led by jealousy. Everything is really good or really bad to them. They cry about every single thing that happens to them and they want others to comfort them all the time. They crave for nice words but when they get it, they don’t feel better. 

They like to be in the center of attention and plan every detail of their day. They want to have perfect lives but they react very bad when everything doesn’t go as they planned. Maybe they are not bad persons but they are very selfish and they don’t see that. They also act as victims and they will find every reason to prove that you are worse person than them. They simply decided to make their dreams come true and they don’t care about fact that other people get hurt. They actually show themselves as hurt ones, because they are allowed to say anything to anyone, but you can’t say to them a single thing because they will feel offended.

Aggressive people 

These people are direct energy vampires and they don’t hide that. Well, at least, they deserve respect for that. They are always aware of their actions and they don’t have nice opinion about themselves. But they can live with that and they accept the fact that many people don’t like them. So, their defense system is mockery, rudeness or even physical violence.

Family 

These people are energy vampires and you can’t escape to them, because, you didn’t choose to have them in your life, they are here. And you love them and they love you. But your mom is nagging all the time and your mother in law is never satisfied. They don’t really intend to suck your life energy but that happens. Maybe you don’t see that, but you are sucking their life energy also. Think about it, sometimes we see ourselves in completely wrong picture. 

How to defend ourselves against energy vampires? 



We cannot allow to others to drain our life energy. So we must be assertive and fight for our rights. But if your energy vampire is a member of your family or person you love, try to see positive sides of that person. Maybe this person have good intentions and do everything and the wrong way. Try not to listen every word of that person. At least, act as you listen, but don’t take those words seriously. Imagine a light shield around yourself and don’t allow to others to affect your emotions and life energy. 

But if that person is someone who isn’t important to you, just say: NO!

You must be aware of consequences of hanging with those people and that they affect very badly on you. You must set really strong boundaries and do not allow to anyone to cross them.  You can try to reject your energy vampire on polite way. When someone, who always drains your energy, calls you with his own problems, you can just say that you have only five minutes. 

The most honest way is when you just say to that person that he sucks your life energy, that he passes his problems to you and that you don’t feel good in his presence. If that person starts to feel threatened, he will start to blame you and find in your words something very offensive, even if you didn’t even thing about making them offended. 

But you chased your energy vampire away and you will feel sorry for some time but you will also keep more your life energy for yourself.  

And thanks to Looney Tunes for pictures!

Sort:  

When you are in a situation with someone who would drain your energy, be empathetic, but do not be empathic. Do not go down to their level. Do not get sucked into the drama. Stay above it; stay disconnected.

It is their drama, let them keep it.

Do not be afraid to tell them that you have had enough drama today, and thank you very much, time to go.

If they are actively draining you, cut them from your life.
If, after you set your boundaries, and do not go down to their level, and you still feel drained after being interacting with them, cut off all ties with them. Your life energy is very precious, and there is no relationship worth the cost you are paying.

cut them from your life

I do this most of the time @builderofcastles it was hard at first but having seen the freedom it gave me and the less stress - I embraced it. Somehow, I found like minded friends and people around me. Some of those vampires could be family members, too - I just stopped listening - filtered what I watched, too. It doesn't mean I'm cold - I do it kindly - I would excuse myself out or something.

Thank you, nice reply

Great read! I think this is good advice. Especially if you have "vampires" you love or can't really get away from (family, work, etc.). It's important to set boundaries and to have a way to bounce back from "vamp" attacks so they don't suck you down. I write advice blogs on stuff like this, so be sure to send a question my way if you can't seem to get an energy vampire under control!

Oh those energy vampire i now those tips if only garlic would help ;)

Great article again @dumar022!

Lovely, lovely post. Such a well thought out and crafted piece of writing.