Shadow I.T. #4
The day of the meeting had arrived. I straightened my fedora in the mirror. The good lady pressed herself wantonly against me, like a jam-smeared pheasant.
It's today isn't it?
I tilted the hat brim at maximum rake and turned to the side.
Yeah baby, this is it. Today the secrets of the Shadow I.T. will be laid bare.
She buried her head in my shoulder.
Be careful sweetheart, it could be a trap!
I gritted my teeth manfully and snarled at the mirror with handsome abandon.
Don't worry baby. I shit in traps.
With that, I swirled my greatcoat around me and coffee in hand, headed out into the early morning rain.
The time in work passed at a snail's pace whilst I waited for the meeting with El Jefe. I had had four coffees and it was only 11 o'clock. Today it looked like I was gonna crack the Shadow I.T. case wide open, I could barely contain my excitement.
To pass the time I drank more coffee and jiggled my right leg up and down at a furious pace. Eventually the guy to my right slammed his pen down.
Will you stop jiggling your fucking leg? It's making the whole row of desks shake!
I threw him a caustic eye.
Ever worked in a prison Mikey?
Boomdawg, how many times do I need to tell you, my name isn't Mikey.
Let me tell you something about Prison, Mikey. The milk's saltier than you might like.
The what? Look, just please stop jiggling your leg. Ok?
Yeah, whatever Mikey. Just don't drink the milk ok?
El Jefe pinged me shortly before the meeting - meet me in the hall, the message said.
This was it. Time to stick a hand up this twitching corpse's arse and see what I could pull out.
Before I met him, I walked over to the Kitchen. I chose the meanest looking spoon I could find and slipped it surreptitiously into my back bin. I looked around and whispered smugly...
There is no spoon...
Out in the hall there was a shout.
Hey hey Boomdawg!!
It was El Jefe. He motioned me over and mashed the button for the lift.
So, what we got then? We meeting the Shadow I.T?
He said it so nonchalantly, as if peeling a pigeon's egg.
Yeah, the... Wait, what?
This case had led me a merry dance from masturbating men in subterranean toilets to joint-rolling janitors on rooftops and now El Jefe was just offerering to take me to meet the Shadow I.T?? I slipped the spoon out of my back bin and up the sleeve of my shirt, just in case things got all monkey monkey.
The lift pinged and we entered. El Jefe winked.
The basement? Isn't that just the mail sorting room?
El Jefe gave his balls an overt tweak and winked again like some kind of manic winker. Only the doors opening on the basement level saved him from getting a spoon to the neck
I was led through an area littered with boxes and men suffering from constipation until we reached a door set in the very back wall.
He turned and looked at me, all serious now.
I heard you were asking about the Shadow I.T. team. I thought you might like to join them.
He flung open the door.
I threw a hand over my face and shrieked...
To be continued...
What lies behind the door? Can the intrepid Boomdawg get out of this pickle and return to his lady love? How do you peel a pigeons egg?
Tune in for the final instalment of, The Shadow I.T. Coming soon.