in #life7 months ago


Excuse me, you've got two of the baby porridge?

A man with one vast eyebrow and thick glasses pointed at my basket and scowled as if looking down the toilet at a bog salmon.

We were in the baby food aisle. Around us, red-faced people were sweating and frantically shoving vast amounts of nonsense into their gigantic shopping trollies.

Armageddon had come.

I, on the other hand, was whistling a jaunty little tune, holding only a small handbasket to collect a few necessities. One of which was the baby porridge that prevents the Little Boom going boom.

I looked down at my little basket fondly, as if it were my first erection.

Yes, I do have two baby porridges. The little guy loves them.

I smiled in that long-suffering way that fathers do when they speak to other fathers who have been going through the same shit that they have all because they couldn't be arsed wearing a condom all those fraught years ago.

There are none left on the shelves.

Eyebrow said, with something of an accusing tone.

I looked to the now empty baby porridge section. He spoke the truth, I had nabbed the last two. I chuckled inwardly as that old saying ran through my mind - If you're not fast... you're last.

Somewhere nearby two women started shouting about cows.

Aye, hopefully they get some more in soon, eh? My wee guy goes through this like you wouldn't believe.

Again, I smiled. After all, the world should have more smiles. Especially with all the shit that is going on.

I noticed Eyebrow edge slightly closer to my basket. I had put it on the ground because I was too sophisticated a gentleman to be carrying a basket like an 18th-century washer-woman.

It's not really fair you taking all the porridge is it?

Eyebrow made a face at me as if he had burst into a room and caught me candling his wife's ears.

I always get two?

I said serenely.

Well, I don't think that's fair. You gonna give me one?!

He adopted a weird stance like he was a monkey with the runs trying to shit in a vase.

In a nearby aisle, something made a thud and a big splopping sound and a man shouted about calling the fucking cops.

Aha! Now I think I understood. This was like that video game, where society goes to shit and you have to make weapons out of anything available and kill your fellow man until you are the last one standing.

Or was that Highlander?

That would make Eyebrow the Kurgan then?

This was most unfortunate. Were we to be savages now? This was hardly gentlemanly. Perhaps I should offer him tickets to the theatre to cheer him up?

Eyebrow had reached my basket and was looking at me with a face that seemed to be made of equal parts corned beef and horse jizzum.

He tentatively stretched a hand toward one of my baby porridges...

Hmm. No theatre tickets for you, mateyfuckingchops.

If you touch my fucking basket I will fucking kill you.

Eyebrow froze mid porridge stretch then straightened up slowly.

Aye, alright, mate. Calm down.

He mumbled something about his wife killing him and huffed away down the aisle his shoulders bowed.

I nodded and picked up my basket.

We all have those wives.


Wow! Flashpoint indeed. What a mess you are describing @meesterboom, as I take it this was non-fictional ...

The "human condition" in all of its uhhh ... "glory." Nice and civil on the surface, as that is the majority's preference.

But ...

Once circumstances strip that veneer away, what conviction is under there? We are finding out ...

It's sad day when it is non-fictional! Yes indeed, it was something like an 80's riot movie in the supermarkets this morning!

It seems it doesn't take much to strip that veneer away!


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Better one killed than two disabled in a wheelchair, and on the NHS, for life, right.

Oh yes! Blood will be spilled in the most righteous of ways!

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It's getting pretty nutty around here, too... "here" being Washington state, USA.

People seem to be stocking up to hibernate for a couple of years, so the stores are empty. In two weeks, the people will still have two years' worth of supplies, and the stores will have been at least partially restocked.

I think part of the problem is that so many daily activities people usually turn their attention to — from going to movies, to football, to going out to restaurants and clubs — have all be canceled, so now there's nothing to do other than get yourself worked up into a fever pitch panic.

I'm glad you managed to make it out safely with your porridge!

Hehe, cheers! I was chuffed to get my boy his favourite thing in the world.

Hopefully it lasts till the madness is over or I will have to risk it again.

I have no idea what has gotten into people. I think these are the reactors of society and not the nuclear kind.

Just have to batten down the hatches and wait it out!


Well, I have to venture out among the idiots today... part of the joy of having online businesses is having to go to the Post Office now and then.

I do believe part of the problem we're seeing here has to do with broader humanity having grown less confident in their ability to face and manage hardship.

When I was a little kid, we played in puddles outside, drank straight from the plastic garden hose, rode our bicycles without helmets or pads, ate bugs and weird berries off plants "just because" and a hose of other things... and *we're still alive." Now we think we can barely make it from our front door to our mailbox to check the mail without "protective gear."

THAT is nutty, if you ask me...

I remember drinking from muddy puddles and being really careful because if you were clumsy you stirred the mud up. I don't think modern folksies could handle that kind of stuff! lolz!

It's a nutty world this 21st century!

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I do not even want to go to the shop - besides the fact that I hate shopping, i know weird for a woman, I am so over these people getting all worked up - I understand this is a pandemic but going hysterical and shouting at people and buying food for six months is not going to change it. I do not have money to buy in bulk and now that I am all alone in my house I will finish all the food that is still here. I will go then the cats' food it finish. No goodness I hope this virus goes away soon because we are just seeing again how crazy people can be.

I have ben thinking on the money thing. Surely to god, people will run out of money for this incessant buying of everything.

There really is no need.

I have a giant sack of rice. I am hoping that it might see me through. Fingers crossed it is shorter than they are all claiming

Here people are also going crazy - I just do not understand it.

I dont either, it truly exposes the I'm alright Jack mentality

Eyebrow was lucky you warned him rather than just go with your instincts to protect your porridge and simply kill him. He will live another day, to monkey-shit into a vase.

It's getting mental here. Shouting matches at the supermarket, shelves devoid of almost bloody everything and people that need stuff just kind of wandering around in a daze. I was at the Mall today, buying corona-virus-lockdown-Lego and saw some lady with three littluns' trying to get a particular baby formula...She was telling the guy at the chemist (drug store?) that she had tried everywhere. She was a bit frazzled. I sort of felt sorry for her...But I guess she should have been prepared. I don't know, seems harsh, but it's the reality.

I think things will get worse from here.

Anyway, I'm glad you got your porridge without the need to shotgun Eyebrow in the stomach and blow his guts into aisle 3...As satisfying as that may be.

HAhaha! It was quite satisfying! I have been quite prepared and I am glad of it as it has become exactly like you describe here.

I was at the checkouts and someone was almost fighting someone else about milk. Which is weird because one thing that they are not short of yet is bloody milk. Everything else is goosed, lol

I offered an old lady my toilet roll last week as I got the last one, she said no. Too proud by far. Her arse will be regretting that now.

It seems to have come to a bit of a head, I am hoping the infection rates start to drop!

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Mate, we got no meat, no milk etc. in some supermarkets. They keep saying there's plenty, but there obviously isn't. It's getting bad.

People are just panicking and I sort of get it, but don't at the same time. They made 7-8am old person and disabled shopping time. Today was the first day...Poor fuckers get there and there's nothing on the shelves. Pretty heartbreaking to see on the TV tonight. All because a few assholes panic buy. You know, someone bought $17,000 of hand sanitizer last week. WTF.

I don't know mate...things could go bad. To think otherwise is to be naive I think.

I have 4,500 rounds of ammunition. Just saying. Sounds dumb I know...But look around the world...Shit gets real sometimes you know? History is pretty clear about that.

I hope you guys are set Boom, because I think things will accelerate if a solution is not found quickly.

We are mostly set. I wish at this point I had some bloody guns. Got everything else though :O)

It is astonishing to see how quickly everything can go down the pan. There is no meat here either. And the supermarkets are all claiming the same thing that there is enough for everyone.

Not really. I dont regret that blody big chest freezer in my garage now!

Yep, that second freezer is going to earn its keep now mate. I always say that we're only 3-5 days away from chaos...Here's the proof. I hope this breeds a whole new group of preppers...But it probably won't. Sheeple aren't so good on the uptake you know.

Watch your back mate, stay safe. (I'd loan ya a gun and some ammo if I could squeeze it through steem.)

Hehe, that would be a fine thing if it could be squeezed through steem.

Sheeple will make all sorts of claims but as soon as is over it will be straight back to normal. Gaar

Yes, you'll be throat punching assholes at the office in no time after it's all done and dusted...Until the next virus. I heard the next one is zombies for sure. Lol.

I'm on an enforced working from home! I am hoping by the time I return I ain't some gigantic hippo incapable of punching anything, hahahaha!

I bet most of that sanitizer will soon be found on eBay, if not already.

Yep...Agreed...That's what started the toilet paper thing...Chinese people clearing out our supermarkets and selling it at increased prices into China. people panic and empty shelves and it goes from there.

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It really does feel like some kind of video game or apocalyptic movie! Mama Dreemit got shoved out of the way by a crazed woman lunging for the last three Keurig boxes when she was in trader Joe's! And this was a Costco's in California yesterday:

It's mad! Stark raving. Sheesh, well I got my beer for at. Patty's day, I'm good ;-)

Yikes!! I managed to get a shedload of beer so I am relatively happy although I am now working from home which I dont mind now and then but for the foreseeable future its weird!

Hell in a handcart, thats where we are going. Stay safe dreemy baby!

My brother, who left the hospital for an eye doctor office, was sent home yesterday- one week of pay, but after that he doesn't know. He doesn't mind if it only lasts a couple weeks, but man. San Francisco just went under shelter at home.mandate. I'm sure other cities will follow soon. And my uncle John who lives around the corner in an d folks community had to come to me today for something I picked up for him, the community isn't letting anyone in.

Well, gotta head out on delivery, but I'll be back in a few hours to party.patty style :0)

I hope you don't get run off your feet with them deliveries, I can imagine them going off the scale!!

We are just about on lockdown here and its worrying in a respect that there is no end date. I will get fat!! lol!

Hahaaa.. .good on you! I work in walmart, more's the pity, and see this sort of thing every day. We have started closing our 24 hour store from 11 PM to 6 am to avoid this sort of thing. The stated purpose of this closing is to sanitize and stock shelves. Sadly, not much of either goes on lol. I need to start posting about my adventures, I suppose.

Stay healthy and happy over there!!

You should. A frontline adventure!!

They are becoming quite the battlegrounds here. Where will it all end!


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Its dog eat dog out there. I think I will be shopping with a scuba mask and oxygen tanks. May need to add speargun to the kit!

Our schools have now closed. BEDLAM!

lol..hilarious sir meesterboom! Is there any truth to this story?

Indeed!! Apart from my florid descriptions it happened almost exactly like that!! It was tense!

Holy smokes! Good thing you are so mean and tough looking, scared him right off!

Oh man. I am probably going into the trenches today. Stores are getting empied fast here, but I have not heard of any fighting yet. Last week I went in the morning when most young people were at work and it was full of older people that were friendly but looking anxious. I will just see if I can get my hands on a broom to beat anyone back with...

A broom might work.

It was relatively calm here until the weekend. Then bedlam!

I feel for the older people, I have been round all my neighbors but most of them in a very Scottish way have sneered at the thought of being worried.

At least until I killed them for their toilet paper... :0D

Haha! I trust you were all charming smiles for those old people. I had some insider knowledge on when the quietest time to go shopping was today, and so there wasn't any fighting or craziness. I had my kids in the cart and an old man walked by and smiled sweetly at them and it was heartbreaking to me for an instant. I hope he will be okay.

I was charming indeed!

It's so cruel how it is affecting the elderly. At is they didn't have enough on their plate.

Big supermarkets here started early shopping hour for seniors only ("seniors" being 60+) First time I've ever been happy to be 60. Hard to believe I just typed "happy to be 60"!! ugh and geez.
Anyhow, so today, I go early 6:45 am for senior hour. It was bliss. Like summer time Adult Swim. AND fresh stock of paper towels and CLorox disinfectant wipes! THe wipes hadn't been put on the shelves yet but I noticed that the top box on the pallet of new shipments had been opened and I could just snag me a container...uh oh...WHISTLE BLOW! Ma'am! Ma'am! Please ask first. I'll get that for you. And Only one per customer!
I felt so shamed....but , only for a couple seconds ;0)

They are doing that here too although there are no wipes or gels as they have all been nabbed. Iwould kill for some!

I am envious of the senior hour! Use it wisely :OD

Gardenlady tip #897: If you have a bottle of isopropyl alcohol(rubbing alcohol), you can make your own disinfectant wipes. Mix a cup with 2 cups water and a spoonful of liquid hand soap. Put like a half roll of paper towels in a tupperware-style bin and pour liquid on top. COver with lid. Voila.

It will soon be time to take those 6-year-old tins of beans from these wrecks that I go into.

Those beer kegs would keep us in nourishment for a few weeks from that burnt-out place I just posted about?

It's m it's time to go and round up all them old kegs and tins. It's time to go to the mattresses!!! :0D

Just imagine the dangers if you had TP..

Haha, I had to put a big sturdy much on my garage in case the buggers sussed out there was tonnes in it!! :0D

A fine candidate to be #101 on Uncle Boom's list.
What a pity he retired, he would have a full-time job now cleaning up the unworthy

He is the two that is needed for this 21st century!! :0D

Bring Him Back!!!!!!!!
we need Uncle Boom to clear the streets of unworthy people [apart from the Kiwis of course]

I don't know if he would for in this hip and trendy modern age ;0)

He could sure clean up the streets though. might have to upgrade his weapons of choice to riot guns or something, but we need him out there working for us.

He would favour a Gatling I am sure!!

bugger carrying around that much ammo, imagine 1.5 kg shells, x 10,000 shells a minute, even the amazing Hulk would have trouble carrying it all.
a light weight .22 hollow bore, mounted on the front of a rubbish trolley, knock em off and tote them away in one move

I will have you as my military adviser!!

ATTENTION @steemflagrewards and @chekohler...
March 17, 2020... 23.1 Hollywood Time...

Wait... Are you asking me out to dinner?

But I don't have anything to wear?

You give him more time than me!

Hahaha, he is such a persistent fellow!!

I swear he will have me up the aisle at this rate!!

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