Project Cirrus #1
I had been trapped in my basement dungeon of an office for two weeks now on the Shadow I.T. project with my colleagues, Kipper and Sad-Arse.
I had made some subtle enquiries about Project Cirrus but no-one was talking. I even bought Sad-Arse a coffee one day to loosen him up but his lips refused to flap the way I liked in a man and he claimed he knew as much as I did.
I wasn't fooled by the jezebel.
Today I decided enough was enough. It was time to crack this case open like a nut.
Fortune favours he who laughs last, as Aristotle famously said.
As I prepared to leave the house I made sure to stuff an extra spoon in my sock in case my detectivity ruffled some feathers. I took it as a good sign that when I winked at the man in the hallway mirror he winked back at me.
I clattered into the dungeon and flung my hat at the coat stand. It slumped limply off to the side.
Hey, you going to pick that up?
Said Kipper with his usual oily demeanour.
Maybe not today sweetheart.
I drawled at him, sitting and sticking my feet up on my desk.
Sad-Arse looked up from the desk beside me and growled like a 4-week old kitten denied milk.
I winked at him.
So Sad-Arse, tell me more of this Project Cirrus that you don't know anything about?
Oh my gaaawd! Not again, what is it with you and this Cirrus shit?
I winked again.
When you have a hammer my friend, everything starts to look like a... conspiracy...
Stop winking at me and get your feet off my desk.
We were interrupted in our verbal foreplay by the shushing noise of a skirt approaching.
We looked up in tandem. Before us stood a lady. Sad-Arse ran a hand nervously through his hair and clawed at his throat. Nothing quite puts the frighteners on an I.T. worker than an errant dame showing up at your desk.
I gave her the sideward eye. She was a looker, a business suit wrapped tight around her like bacon round a sausage.
Excuse me. Can one of you guys help me with this?
She cocked a perfectly manicured head at a big cardboard box against the wall.
Sad-Arse tried to reply but all the blood had obviously rushed to his penis.
Well of all the desks in all the...
I can ask him if he can help.
She interrupted me, gesturing impatiently at Kipper, who had his headphones on and was knee deep in an internet surfing session.
I stood up slowly lest my manliness gave her a scare.
Sure lady. where do you want it?
She glared at me.
Did you just wink at me?
No no, I have an eye infection.
I winked again.
She glowered before barking out something about taking the box outside somewhere. She was obviously a manager of some kind. It suited me to help. She would owe me and perhaps she might know something of Project Cirrus.
I lugged the box outside. She motioned for me to follow her and pointed at the far side of the basement dungeon next to the fire exit which was propped open. My office is on a hill and the basement is underground at one end and ground level at the other.
It's over there.
I followed her and put the box where she requested next to the open door.
She smiled then. All lip gloss and sharp teeth.
Listen; sorry I was a bit grumpy. I hate coming down to the dungeon and the guys in there usually act all weird.
Yeah, bloody weirdos that I.T. lot.
We both laughed.
Well, thanks for that. I have to get back to it.
She said, making to leave.
I slipped one of my spoons out from my back bin. Just in case things took a turn for the ugly.
Me too, getting my stuff together for Project Cirrus.
She froze then slowly turned, her head tilting to one side as she regarded me.
You moving onto that too?
I snorted like a menstrual bull.
She smiled wider then.
Excellent. I am sure it will all be much better when we are all "up there."
She motioned her head in an odd jerking motion at the ceiling.
Well, look forward to working with you!
She waltzed off.
Slowly I raised my head to look at the ceiling. ...when we are all up there? Now what the hell did that mean?
Sad-Arse shouted something at me from across the way. It sounded like hurry up you lazy bastard.
I walked back to the dungeon. A spring in my step. This case was starting to get interesting.