Shadow I.T. #1

in #lifelast year

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A most curious thing happened today whilst I was in a meeting. I had a coffee in my hand, making sure I was jacked on caffeine so that I wouldn't fall asleep and was listening to the usual mumbo jumbo nonsense talk.

And then...

That doesn't solve the problem with the Shadow I.T. we have.

Remarked a wispy bearded chap. I jolted out of my daydream. Shadow I.T.?

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And what is this Shadow I.T. when it's at home?

I enquired.

The wispy bearded chap gave a start as though I had caught him masturbating into his mother's hat and darted his head from side to side. I noticed out of the corner of my eye a senior manager, Queso Grande, make a frantic cutting motion over her neck.

Wispy beard gulped.

Oh, it's nothing. Just some users doing stuff.

I opened my mouth to interrogate him further but was cut off by Queso Grande.

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Let's move on shall we. We need to get these estimates in by close of play.

The subject moved back to dull stuff. I wasn't fooled however, Shadow I.T.!?! I bloody knew it. Didn't these people realise I had watched all of the X Files? Even that shit film a few years ago. There was obviously some huge secret project going on. Hell, perhaps the work we were doing was just a front for a villainous organisation with plans for taking over the world?

I scrutinised them with a fierce eye looking for signs. They were back to acting normal. Wittering on about T-Shirt sizing and forming squads to tackle problems - squads? That was a strange choice of word to use. Oh yes. Something was going down alright

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After the meeting I loitered about waiting for wispy-beard. He looked the weakest of the bunch and I suspected I might be able to pull a Jack Bauer on him and get the lowdown on this mysterious Shadow I.T.

Maybe they would be impressed at my investigations and I would be asked to join the ranks? I wondered if I would have to kill someone with a spoon to prove myself. I hoped it would be a clean spoon. I can't abide a dirty spoon.

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I could see in through the glass partition. Queso Grande was remonstrating with wispy-beard, it looked like an angry conversation. They both looked my way seemingly sensing my gaze.

I smiled and lifted my head in acknowledgement as if to say I am onto you fuckers.

They smiled back, like everything was normal and there wasn't a big naked elephant in the room fondling itself with a leathery toed foot. I walked off nonchalantly, best not to rouse suspicion. I had a spoon back at my desk. I decided to fetch it in case things kicked off and I found myself fighting for my life.

On the way to my desk, I popped to the loo. I had drunk a lot of coffee and seemed to have a bladder the size of a goats eye today.

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Whilst I was washing my hands El Jefe blundered in and did a loud and rattly sounding pish into the urinal. Over his shoulder he called out.

Keeping yourself busy Boomdawg!

Aye.

I replied tersely. I wondered, could El Jefe be in on this? Surely not? Had he been sent to suss me out? To see if I was on the trail of the Shadow I.T.?

He finished up milking the elf and came over to the sinks to wash his grimy penis hands.

I had moved on to drying my hands with the paper towels. I looked at him square in the eye.

Was in a meeting there, they were talking about the Shadow I.T.

El Jefe jumped like I had thrown a big shit at him.

Who said that?

He asked tersely.

Aha, so this red faced baboon was in on it too! I threw my paper towels in the bin and walked past him. He reached out and grabbed my shoulder with his yet unwashed hands.

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I looked in unfettered disgust at the hand on my shoulder. It was perilously close to my nose and I for one had no interest in finding out what his penis smelled like. I shook it off and arched an eyebrow at him quizzically.

It's... It's just... The users doing a thing.

He said lamely. His face fighting with itself in an effort to look like there was nothing to see here.

Just a thing eh?

I harrumphed like a freshly shaved bear then nodded sagely. It was confirmed. There was something going on. Something big. Something shadowy.

Faintly as if from a distance I thought I heard a saxophone playing. I turned up an imaginary collar and headed to the coffee shop to rack up some more black gold.

On the way, I made a vow. I would get to the bottom of this. They couldn't stop me.