In desperate need of your opinion. Am I the loser my family believes I am?

in #life4 years ago

Before I start I will have to clear a few things up. I don't feel like a loser and I never will. I might fail over and over again but I will also stand up again and again and again and keep moving forward. I will deliberately allow myself to fail! The concept is simple: fail forward. The goal is to move forward without fearing to stumble and fall. If that happens, so what? I will stand up again and keep moving forward. Instead of standing on the same spot for the rest of my life I will, if necessary, slowly fall towards my goal. Now that I cleared that up let's move on.

What do I need your opinion about? Here is the backstory.

My life in the past six to eight month has changed a lot. The moment I moved back home many things happened: I broke up with my girlfriend, I dropped out of university even though I wrote my bachelor thesis and had almost finished my degree (175 out of 180 points), I started a business with two of my best friends and I did some good investments in crypto. Over time, I and many other people realized that my knowledge of Blockchains and ICO's was quite above average and to some I became something like a mentor. I began having a few meetings every week with different people and introduced them to blockchain technology and ICO investing (and to Steemit hehe). Most of them made quite a lot of money because of me and I am actually pretty proud of that. I even ended up in another startup and we are now planing our own ICO (as mentioned in the previous post). There is a lot happening right now and I have a ton to do but I am also quite happy about it and don't feel bad about dropping out of university.

The reason I dropped out? It was not the right path to follow.

I didn't drop out because I failed. I dropped out because I wanted to. There was no reason for me to continue anymore. From my point of view the system is fucked up. I spent five years for that degree and you know what? It's worthless! I would have had to spend another 2-3 years for a master degree that is also worthless! If you want to become a real scientist you need at least a doctor degree. That would have cost me another few years. And then? You end up as someones else's servant. You end up serving someone with a higher standing, degree and experience until you can beg all kind of institutions to fund your truly own research. How old would I be, to be able to say "this is 100% my research", 40? 50? There would only be one to two decades left and I could only do enough research if I beg for enough funding every year. I might overstretch it a bit here, this is just my opinion and point of view that I developed over the years. Over time I realized there might be a better path to reach my goals, a more efficient path. I chose to go that path.

My family doesn't like that at all.

To my family that degree was worth more than anything. They didn't really care about anything else but that damn degree. If I just get that degree everything else is fine because then my time wouldn't feel wasted. Eh? Who cares about that degree if I am not going to follow that path anymore? That degree is worthless on it's own if I don't continue and I sure as hell won't. They knew that. They still couldn't care less and feel disappointed that I dropped out. "What are you gonna do with your life now?". They know I am a co-founder of two companies. They know I made a decent amount of money with crypto. To them that's worth shit! I feel like a wasted investment. My sister came into my room and told me how worthless I am and that I should get a REAL job even though my net worth at the moment is far higher than anything she could earn in a YEAR just from a few investments. I am ill and I was resting in my bad and was totally defenseless. She didn't leave even though I told her to fuck off (I am NEVER this rude to my sister). She went on and on and on about how I wasted my parents money and that I should get a real job and don't be a leech and move out. I just couldn't stay there and quickly changed clothes and grabbed my laptop and went to my office to spend the night there. Even though I tried to sleep and rest I couldn't. There were only office chairs that I could sleep on and they were quite uncomfortable.

Even though I don't believe what they say is true, it really hurt. I feel like one of those arab kids with rich parents. As long as I follow their religion, their rules, do as they say and marry a girl that fits into the system then everything is fine and they will give me whatever I "need". It reminds me of a german saying "Zuckerbrot und Peitsche" - " Sugar bread and whip". As long as I listen I get the sugar bread and if not I get the whip. The whip is not physical but emotional. They don't whip my body but my emotions, creating scars on a totally different level. Follow the rules or else you are piece of shit. I don't like the concept of giving something to your child or other people "because you love them and support them" and tying that to a slaving condition. It hurts receiving when you know you might get a "I gave you so much and you wasted it or didn't give back anything in return" - like a wasted investment. That is a unwanted and unrequested burden. I never wanted that. It pains me to be in someones debt. That is why I don't allow ANYONE to treat me to dinner or anything, because I hate the burden. I fear the whip. A soul doesn't heal as easily as a body and there are only less than a handful of people that I trust to treat me to dinner or coffee ones in a while. That is only possible because I return the favor ASAP to avoid the whip. You never know. Most of the time I try to give to people that I care about, unconditionally. I would hate my self if I ever tied a condition to that because I would be no different than my parents.

Somehow I feel like a trophy or social proof that my parents show around. This is about pride and social standing and I hate it to be toyed around like that. It's always about "what other people think". I am not making this up, just yesterday they asked me "what might other people think". This is not about what people think about me, this is about what other people think of me AND what they therefore think of my parents. They don't want to be shamed by a loser without a degree. It's not like I don't want to make my parents proud, it's just that I don't want to use the path they set for me.

I would be glad to hear your opinion on this and I hope might share your experience with me.

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Well I think they try to get you to be the best you can be. But as it is, they are biased and might be ancient in their thinking that they don't see the opportunities that you can see and have. I consider it that way, that they are worried. You showed them what you do, but I guess they measure your results. And right now, rationally speaking, you have nothing to show, but a few numbers on a display and some titles of not yet profitable companies. And I don't know for how long they have helped you out financially. (I guess all your life). They want you to be independent and doing what you will give you a stable and good life. They made a path for you, but you chose a different one. I don't think this is about love. I think this about the fact that they helped you a lot. And now they are pissed, because it looks like you disrepected their assistance. But they want you to be successful, and I am also sure you will be successful. In my view, this hardship that you go through now is nescessary for you to become the best you. And I think it is even harder for them to critizise you than you think. Keep your head up, Bro!

I think you are right, my parents might be like that and I was thinking to much about what my sister said. It really might be their narrow mindedness that prevents them form seeing what I see. You can't set the path for someone else and expect them to follow that path and then get pissed if they chose their own path. How unfair is that? They get pissed because I didn't follow the path they set for me? Am I the asshole here because I didn't follow that path? That's certainly how my sister wanted to describe me.
The choices I had been given on the path my parents set for me were limited. I mean options were ridiculous ! I could have had only a girlfriend of the same nationality, I and her would have needed to have the same religion and follow other stupid rules. You know me well and you know I broke every rule possible. You remember "poor dad, rich dad"? It's the "poor dad" mentality they have. Go to school, get good grades, go to university and get a good job and work your ass off for someone else's benefit. Adding the extra "Get a nice wife of the same nationality and religion and you will be happy" card to that. You know, at some point I can't take them serious anymore. I feel their concern but their reasoning can't be taken seriously.

PS: You have seen the "numbers on a display". You know I could use them and play "Hauptmann von Köpenick" with them. They might change their opinion but that would be soooo superficial!

Are you able to forgive them?

If they stop fucking around, sure.

I understand your present situation, I once had a similar issue where my family wouldn't respect my decision and they all turned their back against me. What I did was called them all for meeting let them know where I made my decisions, begged them to give me a 2years break if I fail I will do whatever they want. I proofed them all wrong with a success story. If you feel your path is a right one and you're convinced have a seat them with your family, be polite and be on your nicest game. Point out your reasons make them believe your dreams and actions, I know this might not always turn positive. But let them know you regard them as a family and do not be rude regardless the outcome. Make your move and let your success story change their mind. Do all this if you're sure and convinced of your path. Apologise to your sis and make peace with everyone. Family will always be family

Even though it's family I am not prepared to eat shit all the time. Emotional support is worth more to me than financial support. Nobody should stay around people that drag you down. It's important to cut those people out of your life if you can't change their mind.

All am saying before making your final decision, try your best to win them over. If all methods don't work, move on. Will always be here if you need someone to talk to

Will do, thank you for your feedback I appreciate it! I will keep working on my goal and if my progress doesn't satisfy my parents I will move on without them.

You've made a good decision. Will keep you in my prayers, Holla anytime

@mergesort the only thing I can say to you is that you should live your life, without taking in account other people opinion, including your parents. They gave you LIFE! But they are not your owners. it shocks me when i read: "Somehow I feel like a trophy or social proof that my parents show around"...wow! That sounds horrible, but pretty normal nowadays. Feel free of living your life. Your are here to DREAM and become true your projects, not others!! Have you read anything about Biodecodification!! I recommend it to you! Good Luck!!

That is precisely what I plan to do. I have my own goals and I never really cared about what other people thought about me, including my parents, but you know the closest to you are able to hurt you the most.

Good for you!!! I know it is difficult, but you need to be strong!

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