How To Frighten a Whale Away and Be a Broke-Ass Blogger Forever
Most will attempt to teach us how to catch a whale.
Those people are full of shit and their tricks don't work.
What is a whale?
Well, contrary to popular belief and science, a whale is actually a wealthy individual human. It's not a fish-like species of mammal; you've been told a lie.
Free Willy wasn't about a whiny kid and a dumb fish-like being. It was a story about a rich man who went to jail. Everyone knows that so please go back and relearn your history if you didn't know.
Getting a whale's attention is easy.
Many think all one has to do is be a brown nosing ass kisser.
Those people don't get far in life. Ignore them and if you can't, spit on them and kick them to the curb; we don't need them.
To get a whale's attention simply:
- Kick their Lambo.
- Call them names.
- Threaten them.
- Annoy the living fuck out of them until they flag (that means they like you).
So easy even a child can do it and we see children doing it here, daily.
Yes, some of them are grown-ass men who merely act like children but please, be patient, give them time; their balls will drop, eventually.
"I thought this post was about scaring whales away?"
"Why are you rambling on about nothing?"
That's a damn good question.
I've been here nearly two years and a glaring majority of whales don't even know I exist. That was not easy to achieve but I think I'm finally ready to teach you how!
When a whale sees red, they don't charge like a bull. The exact opposite happens. They see red, they crack open a case of vodka, find a quiet corner in the dark somewhere, and leave everyone alone until it's safe to come out.
I've been using a lot of red over the past two years, I've shared a lot here today; whale repellent.
I'm so incredibly confident my one easy trick works effectively, I will be so bold as to claim before publishing:
This post will not trend today.
Now you can, too!
Thank you for enjoying my tutorial today. I hope you've learned a lot.