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in #life4 years ago (edited)

I often wonder, how much of what weighs me down is not really mine to carry?

You see, I am a frail human being with a tendency to be soaked in other peoples emotions. Engulfed in a perpetual high dose of sensibility that is at times, exhausting.

As a child, I vividly remember having trouble being myself, mostly because I was always walking in other people’s shoes. My eyes only saw the world from their perspective and I humbly accepted them as they were.

I could not let go of their thoughts, opinions, and just like another layer of skin, I would carry their problems with me. I did not create my fantasy world, like most of the children, I was living in the raw and rough world that that was unfolding right before my eyes, in post-communist Romania.

One evening, my grandpa took me by his hand and as we walked in the nearby park, I knew that he somehow understood my troubled personality.
He asked me to look up in the sky and to search deep inside my mind and heart and to tell him if I remember me being there up in the sky, with the galaxies and the moon.
He then told me I am a celestial child, a twinkle made out of stardust and kindness and that I came here to this world to make my parents and everybody around me happy. But in order to do that, I have to learn how to protect myself.

By now, my emotions are all stifled. I rearrange them until I get a sense of comfort. But there are energies, draining me incessantly, repeatedly. They jerk me around, and just like harmless ghosts, they twist and turn my body as I am still unable to grab the wheel and steer clear away.

I should shed everything I am and rebuild myself brick by brick, out of parts of me.

Someday...

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The experience and love of a grandpa...

You need to stop the outside noise and let your mind and soul guide you. Just let them show how to build and rebuild you.

Thank you for your kind words @alexvan. I read your comment and remembered something that was lost forgotten...One of his favorite songs was Sting - Let Your Soul Be The Pilot.

Touché!

Sting! Very good song choice ;)

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There is nothing to build, no-thing to rebuild @szuri. Essentially there is no difference between the You as a child and You as you are now. The body has changed, the mind through accumulation of new concepts, day by day, has changed, your personallity (persona) has changed, your life values has changed you perceptions has changed.
You can change your name also, you can change your religion, you can change your nationallity and so on...but You remain You as always...You are aware of all this changes...this You cannot never change...this You cannot never be rebuild...this You cannot never be touched...because IS already perfect...it was, it IS, and will always be.

It's normal for the mind to want more and more, to want more information more knoeledge, to want a better person, to be always in search of something, to want to have something to improve. But You can see (be aware of) your mind, You can see how it changes, thoughts change, emotions and feeling passing by like clouds etc...You can see all this because You are not subject to change.
Be open! Be fearless and just allow Life to unfold in front of you and through you with all the feelings, emotions and energies...this is your path to You.

Just Be!...do not let your mind postpone it to "someday...".
Big hug!

P.S. The recipient of these words have to be You not your mind. Let the mind to be only the postman this time.

@adrianv

Always with the right words :) ❤

My dear @szuri,
Your writing is as beautiful and as touching as ever. You will be able to shed the extra layers of skin, just try first not add more on top of what you have.
Decide that, even if it sounds selfish, you will protect yourself and love yourself before you protect or love anyone else. Just like your grand father said.
You know why that is important?
Because if you lose yourself under all these layers of Not-You, you will be more lost from your core and you will not be bale to love or protect those who are important to you.
My dear @szuri, as you grow, people will impose themselves on you more. But keep in mind to learn whats important, and shed anything that weighs you down even a little bit.
One day, your true self will shine very strong to protect you and those you love the most.
Hugs <3<3

Your words always calm my anxious spirit @theleapingkoala.

Much love! ❤

Wise words, from the wise one.

I should shed everything I am and rebuild myself brick by brick, out of parts of me.

Start when you can. I too am a disassociating empath. Life is so much better when you aren't stifling yourself. Beautiful post. Resteemed.

I have to promise myself I will...Little steps, day by day :)

Thank you for stopping by @snowmachine & for the resteem!

I was broken apart this year. I felt like I was a hollow man built of logos and I was smashed into pieces. It allowed me to look at all those pieces as I rebuilt and more stable structure. It hurt to be broken but it was necessary to be able to look at those pieces in a new way and make myself new with the pieces of what I've been.

@travelman You have mastered the art of bouncing back...better, wiser and unshakable :) Kudos for you!

Wow, what a wise grandpa!!! It is something you will always have to work on. And never be even 75% successful. But you have been selected for this path.

My grandpa was a wise owl :)

Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one! And I do need some sort of balance in my life

Thank you for stopping by @onetree!

Being an empath means understanding, whether it's natures, patterns, characteristics or backgrounds....etc.

There's a ground rule to understand, the more you understand, the more burden you have to shoulder and the more complicated things get, to the point that you sometimes wish you were born ignorant and completely oblivious to your surroundings.

Suffice to say, the only thing worse than being an empath is being an empath with a sense of responsibility.

Totally agree with you @sandstrider. I guess we somehow need to regulate our nervous system in order to find some sort of peace?! ❤

Indeed, and giving our attention to a select few - the ones that, through experiences, had their mettles tested and proved trust-worthy. That helps a lot as well.

Beautiful !

Thank you @akkha :)

You are welcome !

It seems to me that life gave you an amazing grandfather... in my opinion what you might call your weakness is actually your strength @szuri ...

I loved him dearly @meno

Thank you for stopping by! Have a wonderful day today :)

Congrats. to you on your wedding, you may not know me, but your husband does. that is how I found this..

I am one hundred percent empath, an also a Heyoka.

I can related to your childhood, I feel I had a similar one...

That is why I left a link of what a heyoka is, you could be one, I feel you could.. With the way you describe taking in the world around you and the acceptance to others energy..

This also may help better protect ones self from energy that is harmful to the level of empath you may be..

I thank you for sharing this story.. It is eye opening for some one as me that lives in a place most ignorant in consciousness awareness..

#cof