Stop Beating Yourself Up

in #loa3 years ago

“Unconditional love means withdrawing your attention from the conditions that prevent love.” -Abraham Hicks

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Guilt is a useless emotion that does absolutely nothing except perpetuate the idea that you are not good enough, you'll never be good enough, and no matter what you do you will never be your best self. Guilt is one of those things that every single human knows too well. Most people use it as a tool to get what they want. I'm not just talking about Jewish mothers.

A lot of people use guilt to manipulate, myself included at times, to grip the heart and pull it in whatever direction they wish. In essence, they use our own empathy, our ability to feel someone else’s pain, against us. I'm not going to go into how it is used as manipulation. It's not hard to see and I’m sure if you have been on this planet a little while you know how guilt feels.

I want to talk today about how we use it on our favorite person in the world when we guilt trip ourselves. There is not enough guilt in the world to ever change the past. Whatever it was happened and nothing can change that. So what are we really trying to do, what do we get out of beating ourselves up? Are we trying to tell ourselves that we are never allowed to stumble and fall? That we must be perfect even though we are always learning new lessons?

There are always times when we wish things would have gone a little bit differently in certain situations. Basically, we have trouble trusting that things were supposed to go the way that they did, it was just that way so we could learn from it. Someone seeking to change their future will know that they have to take full responsibility for their actions in creating everything around them. However, taking responsibility for our actions can lead to blaming ourselves for every single perceived problem we face. If we are not careful, instead of seeing these things as challenges that will eventually make us stronger, we bring out the hammers to beat ourselves down with. And the cycle of I’m not good enough and I’m never going to be, continues. That is why we have to change our perception and see that blaming ourselves is not taking responsibility because rips us apart emotionally.

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Taking responsibility is in fact, being consciously aware that we have the choice in how we respond to any situation. That said, blaming yourself, takes your power away and gives it to no one. The critic inside you who is never satisfied wins.

I'm obviously speaking from experience and one of the ultimate acts of self-love I've done lately is to let go of beating myself up.

I read a great post recently from @bonniepiesse who talked about acts of self-love plus I had an amazing conversation with someone dear to me this past weekend and it came up again which is why you are reading this now. If you really are looking to love yourself then blame, guilt, and self-loathing must never be tools you use for change.

"If beating yourself up worked you'd be rich, thin, and happy. Try loving yourself instead." -Cheryl Richardson

Some people might read this and think, “Well if I don't feel guilty for what I do then nothing will stop me from becoming a thieving murdering rapist.” That is total bullshit. That is a lie that your mind is telling you. Removing guilt doesn’t mean you remove empathy and suddenly want to inflict pain on someone else. It just means you treat yourself with kindness and love. You treat yourself as if you were your favorite person in the world, your true love, your dearest child.

Would you tell that person you love so dearly some of the things you tell yourself when you are beating yourself up? Things like “I’m so stupid, I shouldn't have done that, I hate myself, I know better, I'm so much better than this, I'm smarter than this, I hate when I do this, I’m such an idiot, why does this keep happening to me, how does anyone love me?” Imagine telling those kinds of things to your dearest love, how long would they stick around? Yet it is okay to tell those things to yourself, how did that kind of thinking ever become okay?

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Have you ever seen a baby learning to walk? When they fell down do they began to beat themselves up? Do they say things like “Oh, I'll never get the hang of this. I'm so stupid. Why is this taking me so long?” No, you will never see that because they have not adopted these bullshit ideas of self-guilt and beating themselves up as a means for getting what they want.

There is a mantra that I have adopted I say to myself whenever I feel these feelings arise in me that came from an affirmation by Louise Hay. I am in the process of positive change and I deserve the best.

I'm in the process of positive change and I deserve the best meaning that I am growing and evolving, and mistakes are going to happen. If you ever tried to learn something new you know mistakes are possible, it’s going to be like riding a bike for the first few times, there might be some skinned knees. Let yourself know that it's okay to fall down. The second part of the affirmation is that I deserve the best. This part is to directly counteract that feeling of not being good enough which comes along with guilt. You deserve anything and everything you want from this life and it is only the belief that you don't that keeps it all out of your grasp.

You are good enough. You're more than good enough, your perfect just the way you are and you are growing and evolving divinely as you are supposed to. Don’t let anyone, not even yourself, drag you down with guilt as you are blooming in this reality.

Remember always that I am in the process of positive change and I deserve the best.

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Good Journey My Friends

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@larrymorrison. The fact you have time to create & share meaning content speaks volumes of your dedication to yourself & the community. It is the intent that is of importance. The results are the feedback of the universe. This is YOUR time my dear friend.

Awe shux IJ, thank you for the amazing compliment, truly appreciate it

We humans are the one who controls our fate. Either to be on positive side or to be on negative. Life is a matter of choice. Thank you for sharing this post. It could lift up someone's self confidence.

Your post make us positive and motivate us to do something special .
Sometimes life,love and happiness come together when we believe ourself .
Being a human our mind diverted so many time but our positive thinking control us .
Thanks for sharing such nice post .@larrymorrison

Thanks for ur valuable reply
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@larrymorrison How do you find the dedication to bring forth these articles for us on a regular basis? What motivates you for doing this on a daily basis? Is it the money? Or is it the passion?

I follow my inspiration, I would be doing this for free butt I must admit the money did motivate to start

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I am in the process of positive change and I deserve the best.

I love this. I only discovered Abraham-Hicks & Louise Hay a couple years ago, but it has certainly made me more aware. I wish I'd learned all this earlier, but I was raised in a traditional Portuguese Catholic household and the guilt and shame are so ingrained in me, that even though I know better, I struggle with it daily. I have taught my kids to believe in their own power and direct connection to source (Esther Hicks' 'Sara' series is awesome for kids & adults!) But yet I find myself using guilt daily. I do apologize regularly and I explain that I am learning to parent differently than I was parented and sometimes unlearning the old is harder than learning the new. Anyway, thanks so much for this post. I struggle with forgiving myself because I want so much for my children to not bear the burden of generations of guilt/shame and I feel with all this knowledge I should be more self aware, but in stressful situations (Which is all the time with 4 homeschooling kiddos) old habits pop up. At least I know with awareness there will be some growth, just wish it was happening faster.

Peace, love & gratitude.

Hi @crowbarmama, I've heard such great things about you, happy we finally connected.
What's funny is I found Abraham almost a decade ago but it has taken me this long to really lean into the practices they offer.
I truly appreciate your authenticity in this comment. I'm sure you're an amazing mother and the fact that you have the awareness when you act in a way that is not in alignment with who you really are speaks volumes to how far you've come. Give yourself some credit, do you know how many parents are blindly repeating what their parents told them?
As for wishing you were better now, don't, there is no urgency and no rush. Thinking you are supposed to be anything other than who you are right now is just another way of "not being good enough." Trust me I know from my own daily struggles, you are evolving just the way you are supposed to in your own time. You wouldn't tell a flower to hurry up and bloom would you?
Much love and appreciation, I know you are in the process of positive change and deserve the best 😉

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Amazing post! I saw it exactly when I needed it. As you know, I love manifesting and I love the power that each individual holds within themselves. However, lately, I have had a great amount of anxiety. Even with all of my techniques, it has been difficult to control. That being said, I am human and I try to remind myself of that every time this happens. It is okay to fall down. However, seeing this post, is a good reminder people deal with this too. I am going to add the mantra "I am in the process of positive change and I deserve the best" into my life. SUCH A GOOD ONE! It is not if we fall but how we get back up!

Thank you Larry!

You are so welcome Brittany, I love that my inspiration was needed just like tomorrow I will need yours. This is community, that is the way we keep going, together.

Love was meant to be a source of happiness, but others tend to be stressed over it due to hurting conditions in love today.

Very good inspirational lines...
According to me, we should learn from our mistakes instead of feeling guilty because if you learned from your guilty then no teacher is better than your past. So don't be upset learn from your past and move on.

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Thank you :)

this spreads positivity for sure....but if we have to remove our guilt what we can do about it @larrymorrison

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Great post. Also one of the best Photoshops I've seen in a while. 👍

Great motivational post sir ❤

@larrymorrison thank you, my friend,... your blog is such an awesome

If you like my comment so please support me and upvote me

Some excellent CBT-esque advice on negative self-talk. The too-easy bane and underminer of so many of us.

@larrymorrison... Nice fly image & and plz reply my blog......

Excelente artículo, bastante reflexivo que nos invita a mirarnos a nosotros mismos con ojos de amor y compasión. Del amor que nos tenemos deriva el que damos, el amor se va transformando y va pasando cual energía. Entre más damos más recibiremos, siempre desde la honestidad y sinceridad de nuestra alma.