Stop Beating Yourself Up
“Unconditional love means withdrawing your attention from the conditions that prevent love.” -Abraham Hicks
Guilt is a useless emotion that does absolutely nothing except perpetuate the idea that you are not good enough, you'll never be good enough, and no matter what you do you will never be your best self. Guilt is one of those things that every single human knows too well. Most people use it as a tool to get what they want. I'm not just talking about Jewish mothers.
A lot of people use guilt to manipulate, myself included at times, to grip the heart and pull it in whatever direction they wish. In essence, they use our own empathy, our ability to feel someone else’s pain, against us. I'm not going to go into how it is used as manipulation. It's not hard to see and I’m sure if you have been on this planet a little while you know how guilt feels.
I want to talk today about how we use it on our favorite person in the world when we guilt trip ourselves. There is not enough guilt in the world to ever change the past. Whatever it was happened and nothing can change that. So what are we really trying to do, what do we get out of beating ourselves up? Are we trying to tell ourselves that we are never allowed to stumble and fall? That we must be perfect even though we are always learning new lessons?
There are always times when we wish things would have gone a little bit differently in certain situations. Basically, we have trouble trusting that things were supposed to go the way that they did, it was just that way so we could learn from it. Someone seeking to change their future will know that they have to take full responsibility for their actions in creating everything around them. However, taking responsibility for our actions can lead to blaming ourselves for every single perceived problem we face. If we are not careful, instead of seeing these things as challenges that will eventually make us stronger, we bring out the hammers to beat ourselves down with. And the cycle of I’m not good enough and I’m never going to be, continues. That is why we have to change our perception and see that blaming ourselves is not taking responsibility because rips us apart emotionally.
Taking responsibility is in fact, being consciously aware that we have the choice in how we respond to any situation. That said, blaming yourself, takes your power away and gives it to no one. The critic inside you who is never satisfied wins.
I'm obviously speaking from experience and one of the ultimate acts of self-love I've done lately is to let go of beating myself up.
I read a great post recently from @bonniepiesse who talked about acts of self-love plus I had an amazing conversation with someone dear to me this past weekend and it came up again which is why you are reading this now. If you really are looking to love yourself then blame, guilt, and self-loathing must never be tools you use for change.
"If beating yourself up worked you'd be rich, thin, and happy. Try loving yourself instead." -Cheryl Richardson
Some people might read this and think, “Well if I don't feel guilty for what I do then nothing will stop me from becoming a thieving murdering rapist.” That is total bullshit. That is a lie that your mind is telling you. Removing guilt doesn’t mean you remove empathy and suddenly want to inflict pain on someone else. It just means you treat yourself with kindness and love. You treat yourself as if you were your favorite person in the world, your true love, your dearest child.
Would you tell that person you love so dearly some of the things you tell yourself when you are beating yourself up? Things like “I’m so stupid, I shouldn't have done that, I hate myself, I know better, I'm so much better than this, I'm smarter than this, I hate when I do this, I’m such an idiot, why does this keep happening to me, how does anyone love me?” Imagine telling those kinds of things to your dearest love, how long would they stick around? Yet it is okay to tell those things to yourself, how did that kind of thinking ever become okay?
Have you ever seen a baby learning to walk? When they fell down do they began to beat themselves up? Do they say things like “Oh, I'll never get the hang of this. I'm so stupid. Why is this taking me so long?” No, you will never see that because they have not adopted these bullshit ideas of self-guilt and beating themselves up as a means for getting what they want.
There is a mantra that I have adopted I say to myself whenever I feel these feelings arise in me that came from an affirmation by Louise Hay. I am in the process of positive change and I deserve the best.
I'm in the process of positive change and I deserve the best meaning that I am growing and evolving, and mistakes are going to happen. If you ever tried to learn something new you know mistakes are possible, it’s going to be like riding a bike for the first few times, there might be some skinned knees. Let yourself know that it's okay to fall down. The second part of the affirmation is that I deserve the best. This part is to directly counteract that feeling of not being good enough which comes along with guilt. You deserve anything and everything you want from this life and it is only the belief that you don't that keeps it all out of your grasp.
You are good enough. You're more than good enough, your perfect just the way you are and you are growing and evolving divinely as you are supposed to. Don’t let anyone, not even yourself, drag you down with guilt as you are blooming in this reality.
Remember always that I am in the process of positive change and I deserve the best.
Good Journey My Friends