in #nigeria4 years ago

Is it trully a pancea for peace ?
listening to a girl friend pouring her heart on tribalism. She says"
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It's so agonising, i constantly have to look behind my back whenever I am in my husbands home town. People look at me like I am a pariah, they call me names and even try to hurt me physically. My parents warned me before going into the marriage, my father sat me down and told me I was making a huge mistake. He has nothing against my hubby though, in fact he says my husband is a fine gentleman. But from a wrong tribe. My hubby is always welcome in our town, nobody stares at him or humiliate him like his people humiliates me. I try not to go with him to his town, but I do it anyway because of my children. I want them to know where they came from and to know their father's culture as much a mine. The most terrifying experience i had was in last year December when we went for Xmas. I was so sad when my husband said we had to go, I tried to fake a sickness, I even told him my boss didn't give me a time off. But my hubby didn't want to have any of my excuses, he said I should leave my work if I have to; That we must go. I was moody, so unhappy throughout the trip. He tried to console me, told me how much he loves me and how he would always protect me. I know he meant well and I know that he loves me u conditionally. So I cheered up and told him I was doing it for him. When we got there, his family were happy to see our car. Everyone ran towards the car with joy, but it all stopped when they saw me.
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His mum uttered some very hurtful words when I tried to knee to greet her. Nobody else could hear, but only me. She told me bluntly that I wasn't accepted, that his son has no wife, but a baby making factory. I was hurt, devastated. I swallowed it because I didn't want my kids to notice how sad I was. We entered the house, I sat like a stranger. When it was time to eat, everyone sat down and the food were passed around. Whenever it got to my turn, the maid would leave me and go to the next person. Right in front of my kids, i wasn't sad anymore. I was angry, my eyes were breathing fire. I didn't want them to transfer the hate to my innocent children. My hubby gave me a look, he was sad . He stood up from where he was sitting, sat beside me and whispered into my ears. "Baby, pls forgive me. I am sorry you have to go through this every time, please let us share my food.
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Please don't show your anger for the sake of our children" I looked into his eyes, I saw how sad he was. So I took some bites from his food, although the hunger vanished immediately after I noticed they didn't want to feed me, but I loved my hubby too much to disrespect him. After the meal, I went to the balcony. His brother came to meet me, he said to me. "Sorry for earlier, but you should know that you are not accepted here. You should know it will never get better, Please leave my brother and go on with your life. You are a beautiful woman, any man would live you" I couldn't talk, I just started weeping. He was so nice to me, he is the only one who talks to me. Immediately he saw the tears, he came towards me, held me and said I ,wish we were from the same place. So sorry for all you have gone through sister. I was just sobbing, I couldn't control the tears. Then the balcony door opened, his mum came. Saw us hugging and she started screaming. She called me all kind of name and even pushed me around. My hubby rushed to the balcony, came in between us. And rescued me from his mother, then he told me to get my handbag and went to get our kids. That is how we left 3hrs after our arrival. We didn't do much of talking throughout the trip back home, our kids asked why we had to leave. But we told the. That dad was called to come to the office for a meeting. They believed us, because they were too little to understand what really went on. It was so late when we got home, almost 9:30pm. The kids had already slept in the car. We carried them in, woke them up, bathe them and put them to bed. When we entered our room, my hubby looked at me and started crying.
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He begged me, told me how sorry he was to force me to go. Promised I would never have to go through that again and I believed him. Then the next day, we put everything behind us and prepared for our own Xmas for the first time in our home.
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My question is why is it common with women? why is it that women have to face the larger path of marrying someone that is not from same tribe as hers ..

In conclution
I think any one should be able to marry from different ethnic group and feel loved, because it s a decision made by both. When it comes to love its a thing no one has a SAY ...love covereth all thing let us marry who an where ever we find PEACE ....How much i wish Government can look unto this because its obvious here in Nigeria wen it comes to real law we abide by the rule with force.. believe in a penalty too..lol..there should be peace and unity from both ends
is love that matters anyway why the stress?
ill be glad to see men n women of steemit comments and an upvote. thank u for reading


It's really a pity that such acts still exist. It's not the fault of any but a marriage isnt between only the couples but also between families. In Ghana, it's quite uncommon for such occurrences as inter tribal marriages do exist harmoniously. But my advice to anyone in such a situation is to love his or her spouse with the love of God and forget about the families. Not to say neglect them, but if they don't want to see your wife, don't let them see her. Make sure your spouse is well fed off

Still common in nigeria ..i just wish all this can stop. We are all same..

This is a delicate issue cos when a man marries a woman, he's automatically married to the woman's family and vice versa . But I still think everything here starts and ends with the man. A man who's not oblivious of his family's humiliation towards his dear wife, should do all it takes to protect her from them. As a man, I won't allow you (be you my mother or father) cast aspersions on my wife. The day you try it will be the last day I will allow an atmosphere of a physical meeting between the both of you.

Woow .. Letter to the unknown

Like u already

Really sorry you had to got through that. A roller-coaster of emotions between being happy at the love you have for your hubby and anger + sadness at the pain and disgrace you went through.

As someone who is part of a couple of minorities who are constantly looked down upon, I can relate. Take heart, sis

Thank you so much...here on steemit we will overcome all challenges if not by action but by words of encourage and support which suits and heals the heart. Thank you

Im sorry that you had to go through this. Its is one of the many mental divide we humans created to separate us. -Race, Religion, Politics, Tribalism, wealth etc...
I hope that we will one day realise that we are all humans and non of these matter or is in our best interest.

Intertribal marriage is good for some people and bad idea for others. A deep understanding and patience is need for both party if they are going to make it work. Sorry about your girlfriend case.

Such man is not yet qualified to marry. I suppose the following: he is depending on family fortune, or he has no house of his, he lives in the family house.
If not, who does that rubbish to my wife. They never born em father.

Lmao! I just pray u guys dont find yrself in such..wat of pretence have u taught of it...wen our family will pretend they are cool wit it n wait for her to hav a child .some wil even do i behind u . victimising n assults

If they do it behind and my wife is not telling me, then there is an issue btw i and my wife.

Well, the choice of a life partner should entirely be a personal choice. No form of external influence should count.
Sadly, we are in a society where every 'tom, dick and harry' wants to have a say or opinion on who marries who, who's dating who, what tribe is he or she from, and so on.
Nowadays, the personal life and business of people is often a public matter.

I still wonder how a man will keep quite and watch his family insult, hurt and abuse his wife and he says I love, tradition can jump into the river for all I care, nobody will do that to my wife, well it is said a MAN not a boy should leave his father and mother, most men are boys in this area

It easy said.butbi like u already ull be a better husband to a better wifr

i have dont exactly as i said it

Marriage is not built on (love) alone just like one with AS blood genotype may not likely marry someone with SS blood genotype just in the name of love, though some people irrespective of the above concerns may still dare to brake norm codes which can only be at their detriment and sacrifice, the same applies to falling in love and marrying to or from different tribe or culture, all of us are coming from somewhere and I always find it somehow when people fails to understand that where a person came from is also part of who he/she is, therefore it is funny to say we love someone just for who he/she is without considering the underlying factors like the issue of culture, faith, tribe etc.

Even father Abraham recognized the effect of culture, beliefs, tribe, and faith in marriage when he made his servant to take an oath that he must make sure he select a wife for Isaac his son from his own people.(Gen 24:2-4)

Am not saying we shouldn't marry to other tribe and culture apart from ours, no far from that but yet we must consider the challenges attached to our decisions to go contrary.

Genotype means alot in marriage yes ..i dont support AS marrying AS..the result is 30/70 %... You know y i dont support it..we women face more of the wrath....a man will marry anither to have healthy children if his wife n him is not producing the healthier. A woman will stay in this which i dont want any woman to be left in agony and pain...about the bible if am not mistaken marrying from his pple mean marrying someone as same belief as his. Marrying same belief as u and from different tribe dnt tink its wrong . if we marry an american no one talk dey accept n love but marrying from anothe etnic group in sam nation as nigeria till date is a big problem ..i think we just dont love ourselves which shouldnt happen . we are human we have sam body one soul . love is all that matters

All in!!!

"...love covereth all thing let us marry who an where ever we find PEACE ..." I think this says most of it. But "...How much i wish Government can look unto this because its obvious here in Nigeria wen it comes to real law we abide by the rule with force..." I laughed. A government that has not gotten itself together yet.

Everyone has the right to choose, and if his family did not accept his choice, then he does not love him enough, if you want only good and happiness to your loved one. You must be with those who really love you.

Thumps up..been wit someone that love u ..i cant possibly advice divorce the couple lov each other ..this is just human race .Decision lies in hands