Mommy Rant #1: The Bully

in #parenting3 years ago

Recently we’ve been dealing with a very sensitive situation with my Son. Last week he came home and informed us that another child in his class pointed a knife at him and wanted to stab him. Even though it’s been more than a week I still can’t believe that it happened. In my mind it makes no sense. It feels almost like it’s impossible for that to have happened and my mind just can’t accept it as truth.

In dealing with this we found out that he has actually been bullying a few of the children in my son’s class. It always amazes me how once you become aware of something then the rest just comes tumbling out. It’s like a truth chain reaction. One story after the next after the next. It’s been exhausting, upsetting, unbelievable and shocking hearing about all these separate incidences that have been going on and yet they’ve been going on for almost a year!

It makes you wonder why I never heard about this child before? Look, he is a very troubled boy and there have been huge changes in his life which I feel for. What I don’t appreciate is that my son and his friends have sort of become the collateral damage in what has happened in this other child’s life.

The other thing that truly upsets me is the fact that the school has taken so long to respond. Even after the incident with my son last week he was still allowed back at school in their class. They told us they were monitoring him. What does that even mean? You would think that it would mean that he’s never allowed anywhere without supervision. Nope, as it turns out that is only in class, as yesterday he made cutting gestures with a sharp stone towards my son and his friend.

When I spoke to the school about it they told me that they were not aware. So this again proves the point of how useless the monitoring has been. In my honest opinion if you don’t want to remove him altogether then you better be watching him all the damn time!

All my friends believe that this little boy is a bully. He’s ten, my son is nine and his friends are only eight. To be honest I think that it’s more than that. Bullies usually target the vulnerable. He’s targeting my son and his group of friends specifically. Not only that but he seems to be quite creepy. He tells the kids that he wants to kill their pets and in class he just stares at them. This child obviously needs some serious help.

The other thing that I can’t quite understand is had they been older I probably would have laid a charge of assault against him. How do I go to the police station and lay a charge against a ten-year-old child? Maybe that’s why it seems like it’s so unreal. It just doesn’t seem logical for such a young child to act in that way.

I’m still trying to make sense of it all, but if I have learnt anything from this experience it is that dealing with a situation like this is difficult and challenging. It’s all very emotional and we’ve been battling to get the school to understand how deeply serious this whole situation is. Again, this goes to show that dealing with bullies in schools takes too long to be resolved and normally needs something serious to happen before it’s finally dealt with.

Okay so that’s my Mommy rant over and done with. I just had to get it off my chest. Writing it out truly has helped me to see it. Realise that it is what it is and has pushed us to take action.

Thank you for reading and remember to keep smiling 😄
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What the heck @jusipassetti, so young and he's doing this! The school really needs to put a stop to it asap, this child needs to be made to understand this kind of behaviour is unacceptable and be taken for counseling, it sounds like attention seeking or just plain nasty, makes me so angry that little ones are exposed to these kind of things and the school personnel who you entrust your children with, do nothing!
Really not on!!!

We have made our position to the school very clear @lizelle. Unfortunately they have to follow certain procedures and this boys mom also works at the school which further complicates things. Soren seems to be okay though, which we are very grateful for. He kind of just stays out of his way now.

That makes it worse hey but at least Soren is dealing with it the right way, unfortunately there's always a snake in the grass wherever one goes hey!

That's pretty terrifying. And that boy sure is disturbed and needs attention...

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He sure does @arrliinn. We're hoping that it can be resolved soon.

I totally feel you, mama!

Being a half Asian, half Caucasian, my son is on the short/small side, he is small and he was born premature to top that, so he still has a lot to catch up. He is 8 and thriving in health wise. But since he is small, he has been bullied since preschool again, I kid you not. We sent him to taekwondo and then jiu jitsu classes. Didnt seem to help his confidence. He is still not able to stand up for himself. The mama bear in me always wished I had super power of some sorts to protect him. Sometimes school just cannot help, and yes there is just little police can do when its that young of age. Talking to the parent(s) also sometimes dont help, its annoying, so I totally understand your rant.

Sending hugs!


Oh my word shame @thekitchenfairy. My heart aches for what you must be going through. Not nice at all and I can totally relate to the super power thing. So sad that kids have to go through these types of things. Thank you so much for sharing with me, I really appreciate it :)

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It sounds like that young bully needs a friend. Hurt people, hurt people so hopefully that friend comes in the shape of a caring adult. I’m sorry this is happening to your child and his friends- thanks for ranting @jusipassetti.

From the perspective of a teacher, it is very difficult to monitor all of the children in a schoolyard. There are so many of them, and oftentimes, yard duty areas are quite large. However it is not alright that your son has been subjected to this. I would've thought that bringing a knife to school and threatening other students would result in, at the very least, a weeks suspension, followed by some very stern warnings of lines that will not be crossed lest expulsion be bought upon this child very quickly.

You are to be commended on your patience in this matter. Had my son been in the position of your son, I would have been a writhing mess of absolute fury.

You are probably in a position now, where you could quite easily ask the school to do something immediately, or you will be forced to maybe go to the police. You wouldn't be necessarily laying charges, they would just investigate your complaint and follow up if anything was required.

A messy situation that I really hope gets sorted out fast.

I upvoted your post.

Thank you.

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Cheers to you and good luck to you son.

Hi @jusipassetti. I'm from South Africa too. My son is 9 and I find your post very scary. It seems that organisations always err on the side of caution and will only take real action once it is too late. We have to push hard to get a response.

The problem is that if someone robs our children we can replace whatever was stolen. But there are things that cannot be replaced. Innocence lost, emotional scarring that shapes a worldview that robs us of quality of life for many years to come, etc.

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I feel for ya. Id figure something out soon. Nowadays you never know what these creeps are watching on ytube. In my day i was made to fist fight such a threat and glad i did. Usually resulting in a new friend or respect. Yikes not sure which route im going when my son gets school age.

Unfortunately, your experience is not unique. Last week our 11 year old daughter was called (in her words) "a female dog" by a boy in her classroom who them proceeded to put his hands around her neck and choke her. The substitute teacher blamed her! We filed a report with the school and it was handled the next day, but the boy was back after a few days. This is not a case where there was a history as with the bully you speak up, so hopefully this is the end of it. At 11 any child doing this needs serious help. However, we have had numerous repeated bullying issues in the last couple of years and the schools just couldn't seem to deal with it. To be honest, they are not all that well equipped (and certainly not well funded enough) to manage these issues; however, too many parents seem unable or unwilling to parent. I have to wonder if this is a symptom of some combination of home stress, lack of mental healthcare, little parental time, and the fact that our school's (at least here in the US) are now largely punitive environments for teachers and students alike.

I really hope the school does more in your case. I suspect that here threatening someone with a knife in school would be treated more harshly, though I'm not sure of it. Our same daughter watched a boy punch a girl at lunch last year and nothing much happened to him even though he was known to be prone to violence.

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please dont worry my friend jusipassetti, i feel your prob management is not good. god bless you and your son.

Yikes, I can see why you're upset. This child seriously needs some help to deal with whatever issue they're dealing with. I don't want to know how situations could escalate when he gets older.

I can't even imagine how I'd feel if a bully threatened my child with a knife, regardless of age, but at nine? No words...

Sending lots of good thoughts to you, your son, and the other children that this is resolved quickly and peacefully. And go get 'em, Momma Bear!

Hello this is so scary and they are so young to be confronted to this kind of actions. I don't know i will react at your place this is so hard. It is incredible that the school don't monitor more this child to ensure the safety of the children.

Yikes! You have every right to be concerned! I am surprised that they let that kid stay in school! Sending you and your son bunches of positive energy.

Oh no! A knife! That's so way out of line. How can the school even allow such item to be brought in. I would never allow the teaches or principal to rest until this is resolved.
And NO, you're definitely not over reacting. In fact it's your every right to make this known to the kids parents. Demand to see them and ask what is their plans to educate their son and ensure this does not happen again.
Saying is one thing which is already bad but bringing a knife to achool, that's crossing the line.
I had a child threw a mechanical pencil at my son and the lead went into his ear,a hole was caused because of the incident. I went straight to school the next day and demand the principal to handle this if not I will!
So what if the boy's mom works the school. She needs to be fully responsible for her son and not hide behind the rules of the management.

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