RE: Psychology Addict # 37 | What Do you Do When Things go Wrong?
Ok, as I'm writing this, I'm not sure where I will end, but since you shared about your friend, it can't hurt to share something about myself as well.
For me, the answer whether you will get through difficult times or not is quite binary: either you kill yourself - or you don't.
I don't think there's much in between. It may sound trivial, but this is something really important to be constantly aware of:
As long as you have not taken your own life, you still have something to live for. It's important to start focusing on these things.
How to actually get there is the main question for people dealing with hardships like affective disorders.
I've spent many years with these thoughts and feelings. The numbness, bitterness, anxiety, sadness. I actually cherished them - as weird as this may sound. I WANTED to feel miserable, because I thought this is the only way of me feeling at least something. There were times, when I exercised till my muscles hurt, my body almost broke and then I took a knife and used the tip of the blade and pressed it into my body to feel the pain - because I needed a way to distract myself from the thoughts which were tormenting back then every single fucking day, hour and minute.
These were the few times I actually felt alive.
The alternative would have been as simple as final. I don't know how many times I sat on that specific spot on the bridge near my place. I could have just ended it back then. Once and for all. But obviously, I didn't.
Sometimes I ask myself, whether this was the right decision - but judging from my current life situation, the amazing people I've met after that time and the ones who were already there with me, I'm glad I stayed on that bridge and not below it.
My point is:
Even if life is apparently fucked up, there might still be something worth living for. Either it's the people who care about you, or the things you can do to prove every hater wrong. If only cynicism and spite are what's keeping you alive - good. Embrace it, let it fill every singe breath of your body. With time, it may transform into something more positive - but for a start it can you to survive. Many people think, that hate or other kinds of negative thoughts are bad in general and nothing of use can emerge from them - they are wrong.
Hate can sometimes provide you with the necessary strength to pull yourself out of the misery, to burn this fucking dark forest down to the ground - and built a monument on top of it.
As long as you are alive: keep going - and if the world wants to punch you, just break its wrists.