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RE: Psychology Addict # 64 | The Romantic Love Delusion.

in #psychologylast year

Oh yes, relationships are so much more than mere romantic tickle or transfiguration. Romanticism for me is the summer meadow and spring, when fresh lovers kiss and the world is pink.

In my education I heard for the first time that there are several phases in the life of a couple, there is the phase of falling in love, which lasts quite short, then comes the phase of negotiation, where the couple realizes that they don't see everything the same - this can be a very difficult and hard time. If it was overcome together, there follows a time of co-creation and then later co-evolution, the former including family planning, for example, the latter including a time of maturing together, which is very similar to your Plato description of love. Plato is becoming more and more congenial to me! :) Thanks for the example.
It's not always the case that these phases happen directly in order, it can be quite another, life is never so linearly permeated.

I can confirm that the other's qualities make my relationship rich precisely because of the difference of my qualities. If we were not so different, we would be missing something, we would have less friction and opportunities to be educators and apprentices to each other.

I consider myself lucky to have recognized my soulmate in my man.

To have the willingness to accept the other as leading in the relationship, while the other accepts exactly that, because the roles always alternate situatively, is one of the best experiences I have in a couple relationship. Criticizing each other without behaving aggressively is an art and thus fulfils all the criteria that art is said to meet. Not everything can be fully explained, the inexplicable is often the unthought trust.

After almost eight years, my man and I have left the negotiation phase behind us for about one and a half years now (which doesn't mean that it's finally over, because who knows). We really negotiated a lot with each other and it was incredibly exhausting! :D
It is now very pleasant that we treat each other respectfully and say things about ourselves in a quite humorous way that only the maturity of the relationship seems to make possible.

You recognized your soulmate in your man? I guess so.

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Hey Erika :) <3

Well, I agree 100% with what you said here and find the observation about the phases couples go through very important. In particular the part you highlighted they don't happen linearly. Well, it most certainly it hasn't happen that way with me & my husband :) who, as you guessed right, I've recognized as my soul-mate from the very beginning. It's hard to imagine life without him.

But, unlike in your relationship, our negotiation phase is still going strong. Sometimes we can be artful at it, sometimes not :) Despite this, we remain highly committed to each other and to our relationship, and feel loved and respected by one another <3

Thank you for another wonderful, insightful comment dear Erika.
I wish you, your man and your son all the best in life!

It's bed time over here :) and yours are the last words I will have read today :*
Much love.

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