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RE: Psychology Addict # 61 | Talking About Guilt.

in #psychologylast year

Yet another great post - Slow down will ya? lol

.....there are those who’ll attach this notion of badness to the very core of who they are, and inadvertently step into an existence of anxiety, shame and feelings of inferiority.

I was lucky (sarcasm), because I grew up with a family telling me I that I was bad for pointing out facts. My family lived on emotional game playing, and lies, and facts were a bloody nuisance!
I took that to heart, and also had to deal with it.

It took a few years to realize that they were bunch of manipulative twats, and yes - I was better then them. (I mean that in a non ego way, honestly).
I now see myself as lucky, because of the very things I had to think through, and deal with - the guilt of not fitting into my own family expectations, and the shame of not towing the line.
It's one of those 'make you or break you', kinda things.

So going forwards into adulthood - I have zero guilt or shame for my life choices, with one main exception, which I might tel you about some time.
Okay, not 100% zero - but close enough as to make it so.
I do no intentional harm to anyone, and that's all that matters to me.
(minor infringements of the ethos do happen - but they are just that - minor)

I grew up having to sieve through those shitty emotions, and I've made sure not to execute the kind of actions, that lead to those emotions manifesting.

Actions of today that are honest of mind and heart, doesn't allow for the emotions of tomorrow to include guilt or shame.

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That's a very touching line @lucylin. The one you concluded your comment with:

Actions of today that are honest of mind and heart, doesn't allow for the emotions of tomorrow to include guilt or shame.

I guess in the end then, for all and each one of us, it comes down to understanding what living mindfully in honesty entails. I guess that's where we get a bit confused. Because of the noise created by families, society and their expectations.

Yours is truly a great achievement. Having the insight that not fitting in with particular requirements doesn't mean that you are not the one in the wrong is liberating, and it doesn't happen for everyone. So, I now have a question for you: How does that sort of breakthrough realization comes about when one is in the midst of emotional chaos?

I also find your self-restraint (I've made sure not to execute the kind of actions, that lead to those emotions manifesting.) something worth praising. It's no wonder you feel psychologically free from the psychological distress you endured, as you seem to have conquered them through engaging in some thorough self-reflection :)

This is an incredible comment. Thank you for taking the time to share it here with us <3 Wishing you guys all the best always!

Having the insight that not fitting in with particular requirements doesn't mean that you are not the one in the wrong is liberating,

....there are scars from the journey, but that's life. (We all have 'em in one way or another).
The cost is high.

But I wouldn't pay a penny less! lol

as you seem to have conquered them through engaging in some thorough self-reflection :)

Nah!
More like partying hard, hedonism, and narcotics - it was nothing that insightful, IMO.
(I never ate a single lentil during my entire 'self reflection' period! lol).
...Ok, a little bit flippant, but you see what I mean?

I already knew myself, somehow -I just needed some external confirmation about me, for a year decade, or three....
Negative family feedback, from as young as I can remember, needs some exhorcizing, I can tell you!!(With the exception of my Dad, of course.)

Have a great weekend!