RE: Psychology Addict # 65 | Self-Awareness: Investigating the Past & Making New Year’s Resolutions.
At the beginning of your piece, where you were talking about self-reflection, I had a recent fight with one of my sisters in mind. We did our usual nonsense: she said "you don't trust me" or some such (which is true) and I said "no, I don't." which I always do. Then she had her hissy fit and hung up. Totally unproductive and hurtful as always. I need to learn to recognize when she is trying to trigger me to accuse her of some horrible thing (and she's horrible but that's beside my point right now) and take a moment to consider my response, knowing not to respond at all could be one of my choices. to say "I don't understand this." could have been another. Saying "no I think you are a lying piece of shit" (paraphrased) is never a good choice. But it is so hard to break the patterns we have solidified over these past 62 years, since the day of her birth probably! It takes a will and an awareness that require self-reflection every single time it happens. Hopefully next time (if we ever speak to each other again) I won't take the bait.
I disagree that a daily schedule helps. I've found this advice to be both ubiquitous and harmful for some. Any parent of a newborn, for instance, can attest that to try to enforce a daily schedule causes more stress than relief.
As for living in the present, I myself try to cherish each moment in whatever way I can, even those moments that are filled with grief and terror, knowing that joy is always always always within reach. But goals, however small, once met make those moments much brighter and can definitely give meaning to the now. I'm thinking now of a particularly difficult period of time in my life when my guiding principle was "how can I navigate this problem today so that my the lives of my children are disrupted the least." It was a comfort to have that principle to guide me, and turned out to help me enormously in making decisions. This was an amorphous but solid goal. I believe that making my decisions based on the needs of others also helped me to see outside of my own misery at that time.
It is always a pleasure to read and react to your posts. I am so glad I happened upon this one in time!