sheltering solo on beast mode

in #solitude7 months ago (edited)

I haven’t brought myself to venture outside of spaceship JNET.

I refuse to step onto the stage of the Twilight Zone - Covid / Culture War Edition. It was an unmasked world the last time I plugged into the matrix; a world of easy hellos and passing conversations....where hugs were harmless.

I’ve managed with my piano as my sole companion. I would probably be in a very dark mood if I didn’t have its voice to fill my home. Neither a movie or television show gives me enough comfort or distraction. Last week’s social unrest had me especially anxious. I polished off a bottle of Jack.

N: “JNET, I thought you’re a wine and champagne sort of girl.”

JNET: “It was a whisky sort of week.”

I’ve now spent THREE full months in solitude. I watch the world through a screen and value the updates from friends. Life feels very surreal.

A woman pleaded with me to take her on as a student. But she refused to study online as all my students do. She asked that I come to her home and offered to pay extra. The school where she was taking group piano classes has been closed due to Covid. She was anxious to resume piano but only in person. As much as I appreciated her enthusiasm to pursue lessons, I told her I was not quite ready to expose myself to public life.

I felt terrible and terrified. I’m not ready to go out and felt pressured and slightly chided to relent. She called twice to convince me to change my mind. Going out to be an up to compliance masked piano teacher worrying about touching her piano and getting exposed to the virus is stressful.

Eventually, I will venture outside my home but until then I’m sheltering in beast mode. I‘ve made peace with solitude. The social unrest AND the virus is affecting AND infecting the demeanor of society.

Life is like science fiction. I don’t want to pick up that book, tune into that channel and internalize the horror of it.

I will be home playing the piano and teaching online, hopeful for good news and world peace. When I do venture out, it will be to spend time with someone dear to me visiting somewhere beautiful.

Stay safe. Stay hopeful.

JNET

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