Whirlwind Prayer

in #soulpoetrylast year (edited)

Photo by K. Mitch Hodge on Unsplash

Laying in bed all day caught in a whirlwind
Trapped inside my head filled to the brim
Overflowing with everything and nothing
Feeling like my life is just a giant question

Will it ever make sense or will I die like this
The passing of time scares me out of my wits
Health doesn't last forever and I want to secure a future
To know my family and I will live and die in peace and comfort

What the fuck can I even do when living is near impossible
It's never enough you can work all you want but nothing is ever affordable
And when I'm at home I just wanna be alone I'm feeling broken and hopeless
How can I do what I love when it's all said and done all I have left is stress

I don't want to be the guy who just lives a simple life
Don't need to be rich just have enough to not worry
I'm tired of being scared just one surprise and we're bankrupt
Tired of feeling like I've failed can't be independent just no luck

I wanna be the one who inspires, help people survive dark times
Music has kept me alive, so I hope others find meaning in my rhymes
Life is empty without art but I don't know where to start
And if it weren't for my family I don't think I'd bother to keep on living

I'm just not satisfied with a bare minimum basic life
Just repeating the cycles every day until I die
Eat, drink, bathe, sleep, work, love, laugh, cry
Something's missing, I have to do more with my time

I don't know why I'm like this but I am
Hard to feel happy when I feel worthless to the world
Worthless to myself, I am my own hell
Just trying not to try to escape my own mind

Cause I've seen what can happen when people get to drinking
It's not pretty and it scares me that I could become like them
I just want to feel different; self-control my biggest weakness
So I try to stay far away, keep that shit where I can't reach it

I already feel like a bum, bouncing from basement to basement
Family tells us we're always welcome, but I don't want to be a burden
I've been trying for so long just to become independent
Never found a way up, my hope and faith are running thin

So I say this prayer now, silent but in my head I'm screaming
I know there are forces out there that can hear my desperation
Please help me help myself, if not for me then for my children
Show me the way through hell, and I will do my best to listen

All I ever really wanted was a house out in the country
Nothing fancy just enough to keep my family cozy
And still be close enough to all my loved ones in my hometown
And to earn just enough to not worry about money

Is this too much to ask, is this even within reason?
I feel it's an achievable task, if I just set my mind to it
But I haven't found the path; I pray that I'm already on it
Don't even know if what we have will last us through until the weekend

Can't see anything but black, future blank and looking grim
Feeling lost I can't relax, wandering without direction
Will I ever find the answer, will my life really have a purpose?
And if it does in the end, will I even get to know it?

The only way for me to cope is to turn my pain
Into lines that rhyme so maybe one day
Someone may stumble upon these words and know
That someone else out there has been there too and feel a little less alone

With every song I make I release a little pressure
Organize the storm in my head into something more pleasant
I don't want therapy just give me a pen and paper
Put words together with a beat now maybe that's my purpose

Photo by Gabriel on Unsplash

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