Because of her
I decided to sleep until my heartaches end. I will not go out until the rain continues pouring. Just like my resolve in sleeping to lessen the bearing of pain. I don't know how to survive with a broken heart. All I want is keep on shedding tears. Hoping the pain will flow together with the tears. I may sound weak or a coward. I don't care because living in this world without you kills me.
What's the reason for showing a fake smile? Why should I go outside when I can't cry hard? I don't want the people to see me differently. I don't want the world to see me as a liar. How can I talk when she can't hear my voice? What's the purpose of conveying such words if it's not meant for her? Everything that's happening to me is because of her. If they don't understand me. I have no intention of compelling them to believe me. They can laugh at me but I will not hide my sadness.
I'm not impressing someone about my loneliness. I'm not demonstrating this for others to be amazed. This is the real me. This is how I act when I have a broken heart. Shameless and childish. I'm not denying how vulnerable I am about love. But I don't love someone right away if I don't feel it. I'm afraid to hurt someone because I am fully aware of how it feels. I am always serious about love. Although I forgot sometimes because I am a bit stupid. That's the reason why I'm feeling this now because of me as well.
I thought of running away. I thought of shutting myself from everyone. I thought of suppressing my happiness. Just some ways of how to ease the pain I'm feeling. But all of them failed. I ended up crying and crying. I sobbed and shouted. I even disturbed God to help about the pain. I told him everything and I wanted him to help me. I suddenly became a child because I was desperate. I didn't know how to think well anymore. I was a good advisor in things like this. But when it comes to me. The words of others and my words didn't reach me. All of it became dust that flew into the wind.
I will beg if she would let me. I will wait if she tells me. I will eat my pride if she will come back to me. I will not ask her if she's willing to love me again. I can endure all the pain aside from leaving me. I will just hit my chest many times if the time comes it doesn't feel right. What's important to me is her, only her. Everything will be alright I'm sure. I know she still loves me. My heart tells me and I will do everything to be back like before.
Thank you for reading
images are mine