Joe Nobel Slams October Months

in #story3 years ago (edited)

It’s October and I’m late!
First and foremost, today, October 6th is National Plus Size Appreciation Day. Something tells me I ought not touch that and for once I’ll listen to my inner inkstink. So let’s go with National Mad Hatter Day. That’s more like me.

Edit: added photo credit:

October is All American Breakfast Month. What’s that? Grab a mug of Joe and a donut? Puke! Go ahead fools, stay in your cars at the drive through like the rest of the sheep. I’ll make myself a killer omelet along with a tea from loose, black tea leave, thank you very much. And yes, I, too, go to work every morning.

Computer Learning Month. Well. Don’t get me started. It’s nearing the end of the second decade of the twenty-first century. If you are still functionally computer illiterate at this late date, please walk off a cliff.

Here are two that go hand in hand, in that they being polar opposites: Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual History Month vs. Mom & Apple Pie Month.

Also it’s Pizza, Pork, Popcorn, and Pretzel Months. And it’s Pasta month and National Pickled Peppers Month. Moving on to the S’s, it’s Seafood and Stamp Collecting months.

Spinach Lovers Month. Rice Month. Vegetarian Awareness Month. Okay, I’ll be aware of vegetarians after all, it’s National Pork Month. Oh, the absurdity. Can’t you guys get on to one page!

After all this food shoved down our collective throats, it’s … wait for it …
National Toilet Tank Repair Month!

October is National Book Fair Month and National Car Care Month. These two make sense, you need a working car to get to all your book fairs.

Were you aware that it is Hunger Awareness Month. Are you aware that you’re hungry? Cuz’ it’s also Hug a Texas Chef Month. Hunger awareness, huh? With all these foods to pay homage to? Cuts deep don’t it?
National Cookie Month
National Chicken Month
National Biscuit Month
National Mushroom Month
National Honey Month

All this fuckin’ food and the Hunger Awareness guys get drowned out. You should have picked a different month to squat.
I could go on, but it’s time to stop. National Collegiate Alcohol Awareness Month. National Roller Skating Month. National Sight Saving Month. Somebody stop me!

Edit: My next post ... just in ...

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Yes, it's the 21st C. Yes, I'm still techno-challenged. If you are still functionally computer illiterate at this late date, please walk off a cliff. Noooooo!!! I have a Kindle, which allowed me to take on Windows 7 without any complaining, and I was on Twitter before my offspring knew what it was, and I "got it" when author friends didn't... tell me my existence is justified! I have a right to life in spite of my techno incompetence! (We will not discuss formatting and other forms of techno-hell.) --Yes, you were kidding, I know. (Right? Right???)

No, you are not computer illiterate. I know people who are really computer illiterate. That's not you. Continued below...

Wait a minute. Did you really just omit any reference to my one and only Holy Day of Obligation, Oktoberfest????
Start pleading for your life....

... Ahhhhrrrrggggghhhhh, noooooooo.
How could I forget Octoberfest. Me of all people who has actually visited Munich on more than one occasion. I'll come over to your place with a case of the good beer to make it up, okay? What do you like?

LOL! It has to be gluten-free, so that limits the choices considerably. :)
Don't forget the Lederhosen. I'll supply the tuba and accordions, brats and sauerkraut!

I googled it, and wow, the gluten-free choices are enticing.
You don't want to see me in Lederhosen. Although last I was overseas, it was the paunchy old men wearing them, so maybe.