Final moments

in #story3 years ago

Although he was awake during the entire kidnapping he was dazed and his senses dulled.Taken from his home, Craig was transported from one cage to another until he reached his final destination.

As Craig was coming around he noticed that the walls of the cage are completely transparent. Through the strange wall, Craig noticed some strange structures he has never seen before. Browsing around he noticed another prisoner. "Hey, hey you. Where are we?"

Tiger_Cage,Udaipur_City_Palace.jpg

The silence was the only response. His cellmate didn't even want to turn around to acknowledge his presence. To be ignored like that angered Craig more than it should have. Probably a late reaction to the entire situation. He walked fastly towards his silent cellmate and raised his voice quite a bit - "I said, hey you. Where are we?"
The small silent figure slowly turned around. He was quite older than Craig and had a disturbing grin on his old face "You want to know where we are? We are on a death row."

Craig was not frightened by his words as much as he was with his look. He was never the one to show his weakness, so Craig pushed the conversation further "What kind of a cage is this, and why have these creatures taken us?"

"You are gutsy, kid. I like you. It will be a shame to watch you die. Most of the newcomers that come here usually never open their mouths, that is, until they start to scream. "

"Lets quit the dark, cryptic sentences. I would really appreciate some answers, and considering you are the only here I guess you know something. I am Craig by the way."

"Forgive my manners, Craig. When facing certain death it is normal to lower your standards of conduct a bit. I am David and if you really want some answers I am going to give them to you. I arrived here, some time ago. I am not really sure when. All I can say for certain is that so far I have witnessed deaths of eleven of my cellmates. I have known names of just three of them. "

"So how did they die, and what is the deal with this cage, and who are those strange creatures?"

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"You know Craig, I wasn't always afraid of the dark. But then I came here. Now I am scared senseless of the dark. You see, when darkness falls, they come. And when they come, killings occur. When night falls, dozens of those strange creatures gather here and watch us. You wonder why is the cage like this. Simple. They watch at us, mocking us, reminding us of our fate.Then they talk to each other, laugh and smile like they are not in the same room with someone who is about to die. At some point during the night, one of us will be taken from this cage and killed for their pleasure. You see Craig, they eat us."

Usually calm and composed, Craig was losing it. He knew that this small old geezer is telling the truth. He started pacing around, nervously in order to find the way out. "No, it can't be. That can't be my faith. We must get out of here David. I will not be eaten by some alien creature. There must be some way out. Help me out, David."

"I am sorry Craig. Look outside. The night is falling. It is all in vain. Soon they will come. I am sorry young friend. It is all over. One final piece of advice. Try to look as sick as possible, so far it has worked for me."

Craig took the advice. After a few moments, both of them were standing silently in the opposite corners of the prison cell with only dark thoughts going through their heads.

Giant alien creature approached the cage and lowered his enormous, ugly head to be in the same level as David and Craig. He tapped at the wall but there was no response from the prisoners. That really angered the Giant who turned away and yelled to another Giant -

"This is just great. They gave us another sick lobster. Noone is gonna buy either of those two. Boss is gonna kill or fire someone."

Lobsters_in_a_tank,_Standing_Sushi_Bar,_Singapore_-_20150310.jpg


This is my entry for #constrainedwriting contest hosted by @svashta

Image sources:
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Tiger_Cage,Udaipur_City_Palace
https://www.pexels.com/photo/gray-metal-cage-188114/
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Lobsters_in_a_tank,_Standing_Sushi_Bar,Singapore-_20150310

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wonderful writing I didnt want the story to come to an end I wanted to keep on reading

Lobsters! Didn’t see that coming. That was a fun read.

I tried to hide that part up to the very end

I didn't see the lobsters coming either - poor things, boiled alive!

I enjoyed your story @spalatino, there was a definite buildup of suspense and tension. A nice way of putting the human consciousness temporarily in that of an animal which is about to be killed and consumed! Perhaps you could've used the 'vegan' tag :P.

Cheers
🚣

Thanks for the advice aboit the vegan tag, it didn't occur to me at all. I am glad you enjoyed the story

TBH it was more said in jest than as advice. Guess it may depend on your position on animal violence. Certainly the reader is put in the consciousness of the animal, and sees its point of view as his/her own until realising that it is not the case - a measure of how well you hide the ending :D ...Does it end just there, with the shock/relief switch of realisation that you are not talking about humans after all? ....is there a further extension that can be made (now that the reader is here, in the consciousness of an animal about to be 'executed') which considers what other non-human sentient beings face daily - massively, globally and mercilessly? Thus making a connection between animal and (one's own) human suffering!?

After reading the story, it is the reader's own decision what to make of it. I believe fate of the animal is more easily explained through personification. That was the general idea. In the end I didn't put vegan tag, considering it would be hypocracy considering I am not a vegan and the point of this story is only to see things from a different perspective

Great, and it brings us back full circle - it was a comment made in jest by me, that's all :D

Thank you for your entry @spalatino. I think if it had been done in 1st person it would have immersed the reader a little more, but over all well done!

Thank you. To be honest, I started writing a 1st person story, but how the story progressed, at some point the identity of David and Craig was revealed too soon, so I modified it like this, I wanted to keep the lobster part hidden until the end. I am glad you liked it despite the form.

I'm a bit disturbed by the fact that it's in 3rd person, not in the 1st, as that somewhat destroys the "perspective". Other than that, it has a very good twist, and is very realistic in what humans actually do.

For some reason, though, I'm sorry to say I've liked your previous stories more. This one just doesn't connect with me that well. Don't know why. Maybe a bit too little character development, which is what I'm used to with your stories.
Don't get me wrong, I like it very much still, only not my very favorite of all yours. ^^

Thank you very much for your entry!

Thanks for the honest response. I hope the next one will be better

Always ^^ Else my comments would lose meaning, wouldn't they?

I trust that it will be! :D

Kapiram da je inspiracija bila realan zivot :D Bar ja to tako vidim.. i osecam haha