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RE: Gea the traveller

in #story4 years ago

After a week of receiving various cocktails of drugs, her body is ready for the trip.

This is some real attention to the detail, at least in my eyes... Pointing out that it's not just "get into time machine, get out of time machine", but it takes prep work to do that.

I always have shivers sent down my spine reading your stories, and this one was no different. It has a terrific message, great characters, the surroundings are described just beautifully and boy oh boy, do I love that there's always a great twist to the story.

I'm also, as always, left speechless by the time I read the whole thing... I know you could very much use some constructive criticism, but by the time I get to the end, my mind just goes blank and my hair stands upright, and I turn into a three year old child, trying to come up with a properly structured sentence.

Maybe the only thing that I noticed on second readin, is that sometimes you switch from present to past tense, like here:

Although she is not considered a citizen it is a great opportunity for data gathering.


She knew this is the uncomfortable part.

But other than that occasional tense mix-up... I love it.

Thank you very much for your entry!


I tend to mix up tenses sometimes, honestly it is due to the fact that I create the story in my own mind(which is Croatian) so I pay less attention to the translating part. I get carried away by the story. I am glad you appreciate the details, I really try to think things through, to make them logical. Even the names have meanings and are authentic for the time period. I am maybe a bit OCD, but I like it that way

I feel you 100 %, and have to edit out my tenses all the time haha :D I just bang the keyboard with what's in my head and sometimes it's the present, soemtimes the past, sometimes it's even in Slovene and I translate it later. Same when writing in Slovene, some things end up being in English while I write. :P

And yeah, it definitely shows! And I do the same, too, when, for example, I needed to name a horse, I google horse names and found a fitting one. When I needed to name an angel, I took an angel's name, or at least created something that is very similar. :3 I know what you mean, and YES! I do notice that! :D