What should my child learn about sex from me?
In this article you will learn:
Why is it difficult for children and parents to talk about “this”;
At what age and how to talk with a child about sex;
What a teenager needs to know about sex.
Sexual education of children is an integral component of personality formation. However, due to the specificity and delicacy of this topic, not all parents are comfortable with educating their child in matters of intimate relations. But in vain. Indeed, it is precisely because of the sexual illiteracy of young people in our society that the problems of early pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and also sexual violence are acute. The situation is complicated when an adult child plunges into a world overflowing with temptations wrapped in a beautiful promising wrapper of carefree entertainment. Against the background of an endless stream of distorted and deceitful information, the fragile psyche of a teenager assumes an unbearable burden. Only a mature experienced person, namely a parent, will help to understand what is good and what is bad. How to build a conversation with a teenager about sex, you will learn from this article.
Why is it difficult for children and parents to talk about “this”
For many families, talking about sex is a taboo. Things of this kind are considered unacceptable and are obscene. But, the stereotypical thinking of elders that children should not care about such topics is erroneous. The physical development of the child occurs simultaneously with the mental. It is extremely important that the formation of a worldview is not inhibited due to the prejudices of the older generation. Moreover, children's curiosity, one way or another, will find a way to find out what is of interest and forbidden.
Wrong parental reactions to children's questions about “this”:
Putting off the conversation for later
Parents are reluctant to develop a sensitive topic, referring to the fact that the child has not yet time to comprehend the theory of intimate life. At the same time, the phrase “it’s too early for you” can also sound in adolescence, when the child should already have basic knowledge about puberty and its features. Therefore, other, often very dubious “authorities” will serve as sources of information for the adolescent.
To instill in a child that the topic of sex is obscene means to close the window of trust in front of him, and at the same time to reinforce his interest in the forbidden fetus. In addition, after your removal, the child will no longer want to share experiences about his personal life. Here there is a risk not only to miss the moment when a teenager entered into sexual life. If he has health problems, you will also find out later about this.
Talking with a teenager about sex should not be in the form of moralizing or lectures on honey. faculty. Avoid complicated terminology that is intimidating and confusing. Be sure, a teenager will find a source of information simpler and more interesting. And whether it will be reliable and objective is not known.
You can not tell a child that sex is only painful, unpleasant and dangerous. Of course, talking about early pregnancy, diseases of the genital organs, discomfort and its causes must certainly. However, one should not cultivate in a person the belief that sex is exclusively fraught with danger. Yes, perhaps these fears will extend the innocent age and save you from rash actions. But they will also give a lot of complexes, which in the future will complicate personal life and impose a ban on the pleasure of intimacy.
Similar reactions to a child’s natural need for information leave important questions unanswered. Moreover, a teenager is instilled with a distorted idea of sex. And he will pick up the missing puzzles of the general picture in the absence of knowledge according to the principle of a random number generator. And voila! Before you is a sexually illiterate young man who carries his ignorance into adulthood.
At what age and how to talk with a child about sex
The importance of the topic of sex in the eyes of a child cannot be understated or, conversely, exaggerated. It is necessary to give answers as questions come and do it according to age. Directly, honestly and calmly, since it is an integral part of human life.
At this tender age, the baby has a first interest in the genitals. There is a realization that there are differences between boys and girls. It is the questions about these differences that will concern the child. Answer your baby with the simplest words possible. In this case, it is important for the parent to be calm and relaxed. Otherwise, the baby will feel the tension, and a signal will appear in his mind that something is wrong with him. Let your child know that touching their genitals is not shameful, as this is part of his body. However, it is necessary to outline the limits of decency, to tell that this should not be done publicly, as well as to demonstrate. And panties are thought up for culture and hygiene.
Important: be attentive to the requests of the baby. If the child is uncomfortable naked on the beach, let him wear swimming trunks. If the child changes clothes and feels embarrassed, leave the child alone. The same applies to your personal space. At the age of 5 years, the first personal boundaries are built in the human mind. Therefore, in every possible way help the child in their formation.
6-13 years old
This is the age before puberty, when the first curious metamorphoses occur with the body. The physical appearance changes, and the body literally manifests itself in a new way. Closer to 13 years it is necessary to talk about the changes with a slight lead. The boy should know about the poles, the girl - about the beginning of menstruation.
Important: explain to the child that these processes are completely natural. Feel free to be shy and not afraid. Sincere conversation will contribute to the trust of the child. And in the future, you will be able to count on the fact that with questions relating to puberty, the child will turn not to peers, but to you.
The turning point in the process of awareness of one's own sexuality for a person. Scientists have found that over the past two decades, the average age of onset of menstruation in girls has moved a year and a half ago. That is, if the event happened at the age of 14 for the girl’s mother, her daughter’s event will probably occur at 12.5-13 years. Puberty of modern children comes earlier, which means that educational program on the topic of sex already needs to be prepared.
Important: do not start a conversation with deliberately overstated seriousness. A friendly chat format is the best option. Feel free to give your own experience as an example. So the child will understand that the inconvenience and complexity are not foreign to you and you perfectly understand his problem. Such communication brings together and two generations in the family will have common topics for conversation.
What a teenager needs to know about sex
Younger children today experience many internal contradictions. Surrounded by biased sources of information about the standards of beauty, behavior and lifestyle, they lose a clear guide and vision of their true self in the context of what is happening. The reaction of the fragile psyche of adolescents is also associated with reduced criticism of everything that surrounds them. I want to keep up, correspond and is at the zenith of popularity among peers. One of the effective levers of self-realization for a teenager is an active sex life. In turn, the problems of a sexually illiterate child will invariably fall on the shoulders of his parents.
Therefore, no matter in what way your conversation takes place, the rule “Sex is only for adults” should run through it with a red thread. It sounds boring, but this awareness will save the child from an early sexual experience, which will almost certainly be traumatic for him. Especially when it comes to the girl. In addition, regardless of whether you are the parent of a son or daughter, explain to the teenager that sex is not just a mechanical process. This is the moment when a person is spiritually and bodily very vulnerable. The first sex is uncomfortable and even painful. Therefore, it is extremely important to take this step not by insistence or pressure, but consciously. And always with a contraceptive.
A teenage boy, regardless of sexual experience, must be a man. If a young man respects his mother, sister, grandmother, he will show respect and tact for the girl he likes. The best visual example for a boy is the example of his father’s attitude to his mother, as basic communication skills are instilled in the family. Therefore, from an early age, cultivate in your child those qualities that you would like to see in an adult man.
A daughter is a small woman and a future mother. It is important that the teenage girl does not consider sex life a reason for pride or a way to prove her adulthood. Therefore, teach her to be selective. For this, it is very important to be able to distinguish one's own desires and needs from those imposed. Mothers must necessarily “make friends” daughter with a gynecologist and talk about the available methods of protection. The girl should not be afraid of sex, but take it seriously, knowing about the possible negative consequences.
This is the very sexual literacy. That basic skill with which a teenager enters adulthood.
What should a child learn about sex from a parent:
Sex is not shameful, but natural and pleasant;
Afraid to enter into intimacy is normal;
The ideas of one-year-old friends about sex are mostly biased due to a lack of experience;
Sex is not a way to manipulate a partner;
Learning about sex is better not from adult films, but from reliable medical sources;
To ask questions about sex is not only possible, but also necessary;
The presence of a contraceptive is necessary, therefore, regardless of gender, it must be carried with you;
Unwillingness to discuss intimate life is normal;
Masturbation or its absence is normal;
Denying sex is normal;
Sex and love are two different concepts;
The level of self-esteem should not be tied to the experience gained or lack thereof;
Sometimes sex does not bring the desired pleasure;
If sex causes physical and mental suffering, there are people nearby who will always listen and help. These are the parents.
Mom and dad must be aware that growing up a child is inevitable. Sooner or later this will happen. Therefore, from the side of parents it is important to prepare the way for the harmonious sexual and psychological development of future adults. The future depends on it.