Reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
When I started reading Mark Manson's self help book The subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, my life was a big mess.
I was a surgery away from losing the hearing in my right ear and whatever hearing I have in the other ear is not something I could rely on. That too is decreasing day by day leaving me to wait for the day my world would go silent.
For someone who thought the things in life were finally falling in the place- graduation completed, married to the love of life and landed the dream job with good pay, that was quite a shock. To think about a life that would be completely different than the one I have now and change plans seemed impossible. I started thinking myself as a burden to my husband, was scared of having no job in future and saw the opportunities of life narrowed. It was too early to the whole idea of silent world to sink in and make me depressed. Nevertheless I was devastated only hold together by loved ones in my life.
To support them came Mark Manson realistically saying we are responsible for our life even we are not at fault or we didn't make the choice. We need to live it no matter what. I didn't choose to go deaf but I have to be responsible for living a life with deafness if it ever happens.
He also asks who doesn't have problem in life- everyone does. If the life we so much cling to has to come to an end one day why lament over those problems instead of facing them as they come and living a life that is so precious. If we need to get comfortable with the idea of death, why not become comfortable with all these problems too.
No matter how much I stressed, at the end I have to face the inevitable- surgery, hear aids and more. Mark doesn't encourage to be positive, imagine all the puffed of ideas to make life better but facing those I can always hope to the uncertainty in life. Life is so uncertain that I might die before the world go silent or the technology might take the giant leap that will miraculously heal my problem.
In long run, I have to get my values and metrics correct. Even when my life was normal,I didn't have right values and metrics. My values were like I want to be successful, earn money and live a happy life. But how do I measure success- having a house, 6 figures salary? Will having those make me happy? Mark asks will not they lead to another metrics? Tje values and metrics I have until the dates are only the highs that give me pleasure for a moment. They don't stay with me forever or aspire me to become a better person.
He insists on having the values that is in my control, work like a process to make me better person and are constant. Like I want to live a health life can be a value and metrics can be I exercise daily and focus on my diet. The values I will choose now will have to revolve around my health condition too. I should have those values practical to my hearing prospects. Instead of saying I want to have 6 figures earning job, I want to have a stable job may it earn less but meet my basic need.
And most of all, I need to select my priorities and problems- the things on which I want to focus my fucks on. My family, mental health, ear health and sanity. I need to accept that everyone has limitation in life and my limitations might be of different nature. I have no option than to live with those.
I was facing the big revelation about my health that would change my life forever. I came to know I have sensorineural hearing loss in my both ears
When I started Mark Manson self help book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, I was initially irritated with the number of F word used. At one point, I was tempted to count the number of times he uses the word. But as I progressed, I was hooked to the wisdom the book imparted. To me, it took another meaning once I started struggling with a life changing event in my life.
Contrary to the title, the book is about teaching the readers to give the fuck but only about the things that matter the most. There are so many issues and things in our life to which we can't pay equal attention to. We need to be selective of the handful things that matter most to us, give value to our life and focus on those.