500 Word Stories - I'm the Poop Guy - Worth $0.50 ??

in #writing2 years ago (edited)


I’m the poop guy.

I didn't choose the Poop Life, it chose me.

Living with my wife in a self converted tiny bus home, the first thing we agreed on was that I take care of the waste material, while she takes care of other things in the household.

So I'm the guy you’ll see at the RV dump station with gloves on, handling that large accordion looking hose, making sure the poop juice gets to where it needs to go, as sanitarily as possible. I do not want to deal with hazardous waste more than I absolutely get to already.


Sometimes when I'm on my knees and nose deep in doo-doo stank, I remember the 1 review at my airport job, where they basically said they are happy that I am the best poop commander.

“Patrick, you’re always ready to jump in and do what needs doing,” one of my supervisors told me.
“Just the other night, when I needed someone to dump 2 toilets from 2 planes, you went right ahead and did it,” He continued.
“Yes sir, no one else enjoys doing that. I don't want the planes to take off late.” I replied.
“Great job. Glad to have you on the team.”

Not long after I became a Station Trainer, teaching new hires how to safely work around the aircraft, and loading luggage and cargo properly. One of the main duties was dumping the aircraft lavatory into our tow-able poop cart.

Our trained eyes could tell when it was desperately time to change the toilet waste system. When flushing the water of the re-circulating toilet in the cabin, if it was light green to light yellow, it was critical danger zone of doo-doo.

We dumped the aircraft waste tank and then pumped several gallons of “blue juice” back into the system. It’s a deeply colorful cleaning and anti-smelling agent we mix into the water.

I had no trouble getting paid to deal with other people’s shit. You get that in every job, at least in this one I didn't have to deal with people’s shit that comes out of their mouth. All I had to do was wear a doubled up pair of gloves, sometimes a face mask, and a hose over my should to suck out the poop from our tow cart into the main drainage system of the airport. I can deal with that, no problem.

In the summer, that little pump house with the inlet for the outlet was so stinky and disgusting, we called it the 'rose bowl.' People would pay to give away their poop shift and cover your baggage shift. I gladly dealt with poop. Ah, the things we do for money.


So when my wife asked me to take over the poop duties while living in our Bus, I had no trouble agreeing to those terms. If I can deal with the poop of 76+ passengers, I can deal with our bus dumps.

I am a poop professional and It’s my duty to please that Booty.